Mother-In-Law driving me crazy

Jena Marie - posted on 12/02/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




My husband and I live his mother. We're planning on moving in April or May but it can't come quick enough. Before we moved in (in January) things were ok between us. I loved her and I loved spending time with her. Since moving in she's been getting on my nerves (though it was something I expected with being around her 24/7 so I dealt with it). We bought our first car in March and a month later we found out we were pregnant with our second child (first living). Since then she's been overbearing and annoying.

She doesn't have her own car so we have told her that she can use ours to go to Church and go shopping when she needs it but she has to ask first so it doesn't affect our schedule. She only asks every now and then. Other times I wake up and get ready to go somewhere only to find the keys and car gone. She didn't ask me and I know she didn't ask my husband because when he comes home from work in the morning he goes right to sleep. I've told J that this bothers me to no end and though he agrees, he won't say anything to her. He lost his father last year and he's an only child so his mother is all he has left and I completely understand that but that doesn't mean she can just take off without even a note (which we do whenever we leave and she's still sleeping).

When my son was born and finally came home after a 27 day stay in the NICU (he was 9w2d early but no complications thankfully) she became worse. I feel myself get angry any time she picks up my son. I don't feel it whenever I hand him to her only when I walk into the room to find her holding him. She won't even call him by his name. We named him Damien and she feels that name is too "evil" for a baby so she only calls him "my little sweet pea" which angers me to no end. He has 2 middle names why doesn't she call him by one of those?

She gives me what to her must be just simple suggestions all the time. They seem more like criticisms. I would talk to her myself but anytime I do she gets mad at me. And she's the kind of person that when she's mad at someone she doesn't talk to them or anyone else about why she's mad. She keeps it in and just acts detached from everyone for a couple of days before acting like nothing happened.

I'm at the end of my rope. I have a 2 month old that still thinks night is day and day is night no matter what I do to interact with him during the day. So I get maybe a couple of hours of sleep every night. It makes me irritated (like it would anyone) and it has made me more prone to anger. All of which goes towards to my husband unfortunately. I feel horrible everytime I snap at him and I apologize and he seems to understand.

I guess I'm just worried that this will continue when we move. We're planning on helping her get a car before we move so she can continue to do her grocery shopping and other errands and I'm worried that she'll pop by whenever she wants without notice.

I have to remind myself that this is her first grandson and will probably be the only grandson she knows (it took her and her husband 20 years to have my husband and I'm worried that she's getting close to death's door). I try to let things happen as they happen but there's also the fact that he's my son and though he's my first that I've taken home and my first that I'm raising I need to make my own mistakes. I'm not sure what I'm looking for with this post but I honestly feel a little better just getting all of this off of my chest to people who are unbiased. To people who don't know me or her.


Raye - posted on 12/02/2015




She needs boundaries. And some things you need to let go.

1) Husband... he needs to man up and be united with you. I won't say united against her... but he should be on the same page as you and willing to back you up by talking to his mother about mutual respect. You are adults, and she needs to treat you as adults.

2) Car... if it's your car, and the rule is that she must ask to borrow it, then enforce the rule. Hide the keys so she can't find them, or just come out and tell her that she must ask or not be allowed to use it at all. If she continues to not ask, report it stolen (if the cops catch her, you don't have to press charges). You're living in her house, so you should try to accommodate her requests whenever possible, but she should be respectful of your property.

3) Child's Name... this is one battle you should not wage. Calling him any cute nickname she wants is not hurting him at all. As long as she's not making up a different boy's name to call him, then it's not worth getting upset over. She has a different opinion than you of his name, and that's her own problem. You don't have to make it yours.

4) Picking him up... is probably not a big deal, but if you want to choose this battle, then you have to tell her that it's your child, not hers, and she needs to allow you to be the one to comfort him or decide to let him lay.

5) Her "suggestions"... are probably just that. She is trying to give you some of what she believes is wisdom from her experiences. She probably feels, since you're a new mother, that you should welcome her suggestions (she may have wished to have gotten more help from her own mother). Again, it's more her issue than yours. You can politely tell her "I'll take that under consideration" or "I'll try to remember that", and then let it go. If her suggestion is not useful to you, don't do it. But don't lessen the value of the suggestion because you don't like who said it. If it's a good suggestion that you can/will use, say "thank you".

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