Mother In Law Help!!

Jay - posted on 08/08/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )





My mother in law is a very sweet and giving person. My issue is I believe she nags my husband about when he needs to pick up his boys. My Husband has two sons who have two different mothers (His young and dumb days). My Husband and their mothers are not cordial with one another. My Husband has let his mother do everything when it came to the boys since the day they were born. She bought all the formula, dippers, clothes, etc. And till this day she still buys them a whole lot. My Husband put himself on child support, and has been paying since the day they were born. When he would pick them up for his weekend, they would spend all their time at his mother’s house. Now that they are getting older, they don't always want to come over for their visit due to them having their own friends, sports and activities they are involved in. This is understandable and fine with me. That keeps them away from the TV. She thinks my husband needs to get them when she wants them, and they need to stay with her. Since I have been in the picture, the enjoy coming to our house. I cook breakfast, lunch and dinner (Which they don't get at their own home), and we do a lot of fun activities. Now he is where I have serious issues.

Issue 1: One day I get a call from my husband saying that his mother wanted to come get the cloths that she bought for the boys from our house. Now this was in the middle of the day while I was at work. She wanted to come over at 4. Now both my husband and I work pretty demanding jobs and cant just leave work like that. I told my husband that I could leave work for that and that she would need to wait. He said that she was going to be in the area at the time. I told him NO. So he said he would leave. My first thought was does she not think I work, and second what does she need the cloths for. So me being really mad I left work early anyway to see what she wanted. So when I got to the house they were there, I walked in and she was taking all of their clothes (socks, underwear, t-shirts, shirts, pants, shoes, belts). I stood looking for a minute and left the room. What was she doing I thought. So about 15 min went by and she is done. She told me that she was going to use all of the clothes to give to the boys for their birthday. HUHH!! I said ok. After she left, I asked my husband why she did that, he said I don't know, she bought the clothes. That is correct, but now they don't have anything to wear when they come over.

Issue 2: My Mother in law loves to talk to me about the boys mothers. Their mothers are the true definition of what trifling is. When I first meet my husband, my oldest step son's family lived in a one bedroom apartment with 8 people. I will name them off. My step son, his Mother, sister, Grandmother, grandfather, Aunt, Aunt, cousin. Not out of all those people, only two of them work. No one is disabled, no one is sick, they are just SOOOORRRRYYYY. My husband and mother in law did everything for these people because they beg for everything. My Step son has an older sister who's dad is not in the picture. Her dad lives in Houston and is married with other children. She hasn't had the best of luck with men and I don't like to talk about how people look, but forgive me she looks like Whoopi Goldberg in the movie color purple. She calls herself a God fearing women, but now pregnant for another dude who when she meet him didn't have a job, car, or a place to live or anything to his name. The other step son's mother is bi polar and I am not kidding on this. She takes medication for it. My husband and her went together while they were in college. So he had a relationship with her. She had mental issues to the point where she was physically fighting her mother in the front yard all the time. He didn't want any parts of that life. Now my husband didn't get to see his youngest son until he was 6 or 7 months old. Or so my mother in law says she didn't get a chance to see him until them. She also has a 1 year old daughter by another sorry guy as well. Now to the point. I don't care to hear about those girls personal lives. If it doesn't have anything to do with the boys, I don't want to know.

Issue 3: My mother in law says how much she cant stand the boys mothers. She always complains about what all she has to do for them, or how they don't say thank you. Or how when she does see them, she never sees them in what she bought them. Now im not saying she should stop buying for them, but she needs to stop complain about it. They are 9 and 10 years old and put on what they want to wear. She even told me that she babysat for my youngest step son's little sister who is not her grandchild. Now this is the mother who is bipolar and is very rude to my mother in law, but you keep her baby knowing good and well you don't like her. She told me that when she calls her, she doesn't even pick up the phone. I find it odd that she keep her baby.

Issue 4: Now day’s schools no longer celebrate holidays in the class room. last Halloween, she mage candy bags for the boys classes. She asked the boys mothers if she could take candy up to the school for the class. Now the bipolar mother said NO, but the other one didn't respond to her. So she took it upon herself to call the school and ask if she could. The schools said yes(Private School), and the other said NO (public School). So she took the bags of candy to the school for the class. No my youngest step son is the one with the bipolar mother and he is the one who went to the private school. When my step son's mother found out that she went to the school after she told her NO, she called my mother in law and fussed at her. And she couldn't understand why.

Issue 5: I am a very neat, organized and clean when it comes to my house, car, desk at work, etc. I clean my house on a daily bases. My mother in law's house is a junkie She has stuff everywhere. Nothing is in its place. She said that is how she wants it. She a garage sale shopper and loves to buy any and everything even if she doesn't need it. She is the type that if it is on sale she will buy them all even if she doesn't need it. she figures someone will. But when she comes to my house, she walks in looking everything up and down. And always says "everything is so neat and clean with everything in its place. My sister in law says the same thing. She keeps a messed up house too. When I first went to my mother in laws house when my husband and I first meet, I couldn't believe my eyes. I mean I seen house like that on TV, but not in real life. There was not a true definition of what or where anything was. My Second thought was when we have kids; they will not be staying over here AT ALL. Now I understood why the boys didn't want to stay over there. Now with in the past 6 to 7 months she has been getting her house in order. She got new floors installed, cleared off her dining room table so someone can sit at it and eat, cleared out her dean of clutter, hung her clothes up in her closet that were hanging all over her bed room, cleared the junk from my husband and his sisters old rooms. She still has a way to go, but now you can see what is what.

issue 6: Food stamps are not, have not and will not (knock on wood) be in my life. Some girl she know would rather have

In conclusion, now that my husband and I are married she feels like she is loosing control. She has had control of my husband his boys relationship for years. I think it is time for my husband and I to take control of the what and when we have the boys. I am in no way trying to step on her toes, but she needs to sit back and just be grandma. I do know when we start having our own kids, I want to make sure she knows that she in no way fashion or form needs to do everything for me. Both my husband and I go to work and are doing well. I can buy everything my children are going to need with no problem.


Christine - posted on 08/08/2014




I definitely see where you are coming from in feeling that she is somewhat intruding in your husbands role as their dad. It sounds to me that your mother-in-law likes to be needed by the kids and wants to make sure they are taken care of. Not that she doesn't trust you and your husband to do that, but he has let her have this role for quite sometime and she is comfortable doing it. It probably makes her feel really good that she is helping... However annoying it may be. As for the nagging that she does to your husband, that's his issue to deal with if he doesn't like it. My guess is that he'd rather live with it than to confront her. As for you, try talking to her about how you'd like take on more of what she has been doing and work toward being the family that you want. I think she could be a great resource and the kids obviously are used to her doing for them so I wouldn't try to take away all that she doing. She may be quirky but probably really loves the kids and has good intentions. Having help is a good thing even if the help doesn't do things exactly like you want. :) Good Luck!!

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