Mother in law, it's my baby

Keturah - posted on 09/03/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




I have a mother in law who has been "involved" in her son's life from paying his bills to getting his mail buying his spices to washing his sheets. Then I came was time for me to be his caregiver his one and only, I think it's been hard for her. She has tried taking over in her own way...calling me or her son every other day, I had to put a stop to that. Trying to decorate our new home, had to put a stop to that, giving me things I didn't ask for instead of consulting me on what do I need. Telling us our tissue in our bathroom is too thick, now I'm pregnant this will be her first grandchild from her only son her only child and now she has started on the baby. She wants to give me a shower but invite people I don't know...she freaked me out saying this is my baby my baby. I snapped this is your Grandchild! I finally had a talk with her and she ended up crying. I told her I appreciate all she does but my husband and I don't want a baby shower for the sake of getting gifts from people we don't know but she does...I think she's upset at me now but I've taken so much. I have reached that point of I'm sick of biting my tongue. She always refer to our house as "johns house not our I just being picking or is there some validation to my dismay


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Chet - posted on 09/05/2014




I just wanted to underscore that it's very common to invite people to a shower that the new mom doesn't know - at least in some areas. The atmosphere is very much that mothers and women get together to celebrate another woman becoming a mother.
There were lots of people at my shower that I didn't know, but that knew somebody there. They just wanted to come and welcome a new woman to motherhood and a new baby to the world. It was nice.

If you really don't want the gifts ask that people bring new baby items to donate to women's shelter. I'll tell you though, baby shower gifts are often chosen very wisely. People who've had kids know which sleepers are impossible to put on, which mobile babies will actually stare at so you can put them down in their crib and go have a shower, which swaddler is the easiest to use, which toys got used, which books toddlers love, etc. A lot of knowledge can be passed along in shower gifts.

And I agree that you're picking. You knew what you were getting into, and all of this is stuff that you should be able to either ignore or manage. Who cares is somebody comments about the kleenex in your bathroom, let it roll off. If someone offers unsolicited decorating advice be polite, maybe they have some good ideas, or just explain what you had planned and why.

Guest - posted on 09/03/2014




I agree with Shawnn.

Grandma probably wants to celebrate becoming a grandma for the first time with the people she holds dear, and throwing you a shower is a great way for her to do it--just graciously accept the gifts then donate them to a great charity. Or ask her to throw a "diaper shower" where everyone just brings diapers of different sizes--you can never have too many diapers!

I talk to my dad pretty much every day or every other day, my husband and I both talk to his mom at least 4-5 times a week.

I'll agree that the tissue comment was weird....never met anyone who put any thought at all into the tissue at another person's house, unless she accidentally clogged the toilette or something, but I would just say, "Okay, thanks, we like it, but I'll consider some others."

You'll understand once you have the baby--your baby will ALWAYS be your baby, even when he's grown and moved out.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/03/2014




You're picking.

You knew the dynamic before you entered the relationship, and you committed yourself.

No one should marry, expecting the OTHER person to change without being willing to meet in the middle.

Now, some specifics: What's wrong with communicating with your family on a daily basis? Or every other day? Absolutely nothing, if you really look at it. Not only do I speak with my mother every 2-3 days, and my dad every day or two, but I also speak to my MIL every day or two. Because they're just as much family as my husband and kids, and we like to communicate.

Every parent (or at least all that I know) likes to purchase things for their kids, and their kids' homes. I do it with my son, my mom does it with me, my MIL does it...we don't expect all of our gifts/purchases to be liked, and we understand if something ends up going to goodwill or getting regifted.

Giving you gifts for baby: same thing. EVERY family gives gifts for baby. Some outside friends do as well. It doesn't matter to them that they may not know you, a baby is cause for celebration, and we tend to like to do that. I've purchased gifts for colleague's kids' babies without really knowing the kids, but because I'm friends with one of the grandparents. IMO, the way you're handling that is over the top. Graciously accept the gifts. If you don't wish to use them, or don't need them, donate them or regift them to someone you know can use and will appreciate them.

And as far as how she refers to your home...oh my. It's an identifier. I'm sure your parents probably say that it's 'keturah's house'...LOL...and you probably don't mind that! My mom calls my home 'Shawnn's', my MIL calls it 'Richard's' No huge's our home. If I really wanted to get stressed, I'd name it something, I guess...

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