Mother in law problems

[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )

Ok so my MIL and I have been having quite a few problems. Mainly since we found out we are pregnant (36 wks now) She says we (hubby and I) have robbed her of her happiness to be a grandmother. All because she likes to make comments like "My Grand kids are going to go to catholic school" and my husband likes to jump in and tell her that is not for you to decide mom... her boyfriend agreed with my husband and her response was I am the grandmother and my vote veto everyone's. She wants to have a say in pretty much everything (which we do not allow). We used to live maybe 15 min away from her and her bf but let them know we were contemplating moving an hour away (closer to my family) She didn't like that at all of course. In the past when we mentioned it she told my husband "are you crazy where are you getting these stupid ideas from" (we moved anyways) well for awhile there we were not having much communication with her because it was always arguing involved. We did end up going over there to visit. At one point my husband got up to take my son to the restroom (he was not listening so he got in trouble) while he was gone she started being rude to me and we ended up talking (more like arguing) through out that "talk" I was called irresponsible, controlling, manipulative and so much more. She said I was the reason we didn't visit much (I am the one who would force my husband to go over) That I would not let my Husband tell her he loved her (really?? who does that?? I feel like he stopped telling her because the way she acts) She said so much more mean and hurtful things. We ended up letting all that go and I tried to communicate more with her about the baby and us and make her feel more involved. Until now.. My baby shower is in 2 wks and My sister is planning it and all. Well my MIL never asked anything other then the date and she did ask if my sister needed her to get anything to let her know. Well I told her she could get the tableware and drinks but then we ended up finding a lot of table ware in storage so i changed it. I text her while she was at work (didn't wanna call while she is working) to let her know I changed it up and wanted her to get the food trays instead, I later in the day called her she didnt answer. So I just waited for her to get back to me.. I do not feel comfortable enough (because of all our issues in the past) to be so persistent with her especially about something involving money. I did not want her to think all I want is her money. She never got back to me so I told my sister "don't worry about it Ill pay for the food but I think you should take her name off the invite as a host" I do not feel it is right for my mom and my sister to spend all this money and take all the time on getting this together and my MIL do nothing and pay nothing but take half the credit. Well I had my husband call her and tell her that it was ok but she didn't have to get anything for the shower and she was ok with it until he said she was not listed as a host on the invite. She flipped and said "they can do whatever they want " she then hung up. A few min later my husband received a long text saying we hurt her feelings that it was not fair that her name was not on there that she bought us a washer and dryer pays the insurance on our truck and loaned us money to pay off a bill. (we were at one point kind of down on our luck so both our families helped us out) This in particular really upset me because the two things have nothing to do with each other, we thought she helped because she wanted but we now are starting to understand that every time she is upset with us she throws it in our face what she does for us. So i text her and told her ok if it makes you feel better I will tell my sister to put your name back on geez, but do not involve husband in this and tell him he is a horrible son. never heard from her. She later on emailed me (she meant to email my husband not me)about some balloons she bought but they did not match with the theme, i still told her I would take them and see if we could make it work.. To ease up the tension I invited her to help my sister and I make the center pieces and decorations and sent her pictures of the decorations and all so she would have an idea (since she never asked anything about the shower, she had no idea of theme or anything) I also sent her a quote of the food trays I had mentioned she could get... She emailed me back saying she would only pay 60 for the food because she was the only one from my husbands side of the family who would be attending,,,the total was 90 something, she didnt even respond about my invite to help out and it kind of upset both my husband and I that she said she would only pay 60 not because of the fact it was only 60 but because of the reason she gave. I then told her to do it however she wanted that I was fed up with her treating me like I was the bad guy, and that if she would have taken more interest in this it would have been easier for all of us and that she didn't necessarily have to give money but she could have helped with anything such as decorations or anything small like that. But unfortunately her response was that all i wanted was her money not her input. Since then neither my husband nor I have had any contact with her and do not want her to pay for anything because of her saying that. She has no idea how much she hurt my feelings with everything she has said to me. But yet she thinks she did nothing wrong . The baby is due in a few wks and I pretty much already know its only going to get worse from here, especially with the fact that I am going to only have my Husband and mom in the delivery room when I give birth. for 1 i do not feel comfortable with anyone else in the room and 2 I would probably feel more stressed out with her in there. Wish me luck and feel free to give any advice :( It is much needed. (sorry this is extremely long.)


Jennifer - posted on 05/06/2013




I am not going to lie, but I didn't read your whole post....way too long lol BUT I do want to mention this. Even though your MIL may drive you nuts and you think she will ruin your marriage/family...just remember this: Your husband, your child, and you (your direct Family) come first. Do what is best for you and your family. Try not to stress about MIL, BIL, SIL, and all other family members. Our rule at our home is this: when we need to make plans with his family....he calls, when I need to make plans with my family...I call. When there is a problem...he deals with his family and I deal with mine. I now keep my distance with issues and keep a smile on my face. Still respect in laws, but you don't have to follow what they want you to do. You are your own person and you and your husband call the shots. Hope that helps...

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