Mother who won't communicate - hurting the child

Clover - posted on 09/02/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )




I’m a stepmom to a daughter age 9. Her mom refuses to communicate with us about what is going on in her life at home. We write her endless messages asking about things going on in the daughters life and have no responses. She is the custodial parent so she is with her 80% of the year. She last stated at a court date that she feels she “doesn’t need to tell us anything about what her daughter does while in her care”. We told her we feel it is important that she shares with us for obvious reasons. Being able to parent her and be there for her in ways she needs us to means we need to be filled in on issues and accomplishments at home and at school or any other aspect of her life that is going on 80% of the time we aren’t with her so we can be there for her. She is court ordered to share the daughters schedule, report cards, teacher conferences, activities, social events with us but she doesn’t obey the order and does not share.

She is taking her daughter to counseling and won’t share details on the counseling and just says it’s for her to have extra support. Which we agree is a good thing but she goes sporadically so it’s not like she’s going consistently for continual support so we have suspicion that she is going at times when something else is going on or when emotions are flared up about an issue.
She lets her dye her hair with permanent dye with rainbow streaks without discussing with us
She takes her out of state without telling us

The list goes on.
Any advice on how to handle this? We are already are taking this up with the court but we want her to understand that these things are not okay so this just doesn’t happen anymore. This ultimately hurts the child and isn’t promoting her to have the best support she can get. We have a close relationship with the daughter but just know there is much more we could be shared on and are court ordered to be shared on so that we can be even better parents to her.

I should mention, the mom is re-married with children with her new husband. We also are married with children of our own.


Dove - posted on 09/02/2016




If she is directly violating a court order... your husband can take it to court based on contempt. If it is not specifically in the court order... you either have to have the order amended or let it go.

Counseling should be private between the child and the counselor, so unless the child is in danger it isn't necessary for you to know the details of their sessions.

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms