My 1 year son old hates his Dad, and Dad doesn't care

Erinn - posted on 01/27/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




My son just recently turned 1 a few weeks ago and he can't stand his father. Never liked him that much since he was born but recently it's escalated. I'm a stay at home mom and the primary care giver. My husband is military and has been away a few times (for a few weeks only). This is our first child and when he was first born my husband was scared to hurt him because he was so little, and I breastfed so whenever he started to cry he would just hand him to me. I have to admit he would not win any father of the year awards. He never got up with him once in the night, only changes about one diaper a month, has never fed him, rarely comes to play with him and has only taken him in the morning once so I could sleep in. (The day after my best friends wedding when I was horribly hungover) I force him to take our son for some 'father son' time for 2 hours once a week. And force is the right word. He usually tries to make excuses as to why he can't or will come to me after 45 minutes and tell me that's all he can handle. I make him do bath time, story time and a song and put him to bed every other night but all my son does is scream the entire time. When it's my turn he's fine, but when I bring him to his dad for a goodnight kiss he freaks out and clings to me. I've been trying to get them to spend more time together but my husband never 'has the time' even though he has hours to spend playing computer games. I've tried to give him advice on how to comfort him, or play with him but he would rather just plop him in a corner and throw a movie on the tv or put him in his crib for a "time out" even when it's not nap time or bedtime. Should I try and press him to spend more time with him in hopes he can have a decent relationship with his son or just accept the fact that he's a crappy father and will never give our son the time and love he needs?


Chet - posted on 01/27/2014




How much time do the three of your spend together? I would start with that rather than trying to hand your son off to his father completely.

Also, it's pretty common for babies to be hugely attached to their mothers and to not develop as strong of a relationship with their fathers until later. We have four kids and with all of them the joke was that I was was the favourite for the first year and my husband is the favourite now. Don't be surprised if your son won't leave his father alone when he's three or four.

Interacting with a baby is not at all the same as interacting with a preschooler or school aged child. Your husband is not necessary a crappy father because of this.

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