My 11 year old son

Marie - posted on 04/01/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




My son is eleven. He has a hard time with his friends. His friends are all into sports and he is not. His friends always want to play sports when they come over or when they are playing in the park. He then starts playing with all their little brothers and sisters because he does not want to play. I tell him that he does not have to play organized sports but he should play to socialize with his friends. Now he does not even get picked to play becasue he is not that good. Also, he and his friends tend to play aggresively. My son is a lot bigger and it seems that when someone gets hurt he gets blamed ...sometimes it is his fault and sometimes it is not. Sometimes they all including my son get carried away but no matter what my son gets blamed. I feel terrible and don't know what to do. He has no real buddy in the class and he does not really want join things. He likes to be home and build things, go on the computer and watch tv. It makes me nuts because I tell him to get outside to play. He always asks for people to come over but they don't necessarily want to come because he likes to do the same things. I don't know what else to do. He likes 2 sports a little and plays them sometimes but not much. I need to get him involved in stuff but he always so no I don't want to do that. What do I do??


Michelle - posted on 04/01/2012




My son is also 11 and is not an athlete either, if I allowed it he would engross him self in lego and video games. However we insist that he is in one physical activity after school for my son it is dance and he absolutely loves it and does really well at it. We go out of our way to take him to a dance studio that has lots of other boys at it so that he has peers that have the same interests as he has. Also we found a performing arts school for him to attend which has been good for him socially. Just keep trying different activities until you find one that works, my son is also big into skiing as well he just doesn't like team sports.

Kay - posted on 04/01/2012





It is way frustrating when kids aren't into things that everyone else there age is into, but it is also totally normal. It sounds like your son (who is into building things and playing with computers) may be more analytically inclined than some boys his age. It may be that he enjoys figuring things out more than exercising his athleticism.

There really isn't much you can do. If he doesn't want to play sports, it is very hard to make him. However, that doesn't mean that he won't be involved. Have you looked into extracurricular activities through his school? Several schools that I was in growing up had science, computer engineering and even engineering clubs. They built things, fooled around with computers, did science experiments--one group in high school actually created the laptop cooling pad I am using as I type this.

If my son were in this situation, I would try to make sure he knew that I loved and accepted him, and then I would try to find him those opportunities that would let him engage in activities and meet peers that shared common interests.

Good luck!


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Marie - posted on 04/01/2012




Oh your son sounds like mine. When I said building - I meant building legos. He loves it and it is his down time. I talk to him every day and tell him that he needs to do something active. He has been playing flag football and basketball and does like the sports but he is not great...he does not have to be but I did tell him that he needs to do one activity a season. He has not been playing xbox that much lately but is totally into building his legos. He is a good kid but he has noone in his class that is into the things that he is. We are also in a neighborhood where the kids are all into sports so they do not bother with him much because he is not into it. My son also does not go out of his way if he does not feel a connection meaning if the kids are all playing sports then he does not attempt to join in. I also tell him that he is wonderful and that it is fine if he is not on a team but when he wants someone to play that he needs to play outdoors and play a sport and that his lego building and other stuff should be his down time. I just want him to have social interaction. It upsets me because he wants to have time with the boys he thinks are his buds but they dont want to build legos anymore.

Iridescent - posted on 04/01/2012




Some suggestions would be to cancel internet and cable, at least temporarily, and find other activities for him to be involved in. Nobody likes every sport, but there are many types. Heck, even golf is a sport! Track, baseball, basketball, football, swimming, some with others and some independently. By having the electronics alternatives that he's turning to available, it's only letting him know that physical activity is not very important and he's going to continue to refuse to do it, especially since excuses are being made for him. He's not very good at it - because he doesn't put the effort into it. Everything takes time and effort.

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