My 12 year old daughter has gone to live with her abusive father

Sara - posted on 11/12/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




I left my daughter's father 5 years ago because he was physically and emotionally abusive to me. We had shared care until a couple of weeks ago. I had my daughter every weekend and 2 nights in the week. We were extremely close. He spent very little quality time with her and relied heavily on his mother and various partners to assist with her care during 'his time'. A couple of months ago I received a call from social services informing me that my ex had plead guilty to a charge of supplying drugs and was facing a possible custodial sentence. I chose not to share this information with my daughter because I did not want her to worry. A week ago my ex left several vile, sadistic voice mails on my phone calling me horrible names and threatening to 'cut up' my partner of 18 months, have him stabbed then come for me. I reached my limit and reported the messages to the police ( he has been charged. I also got an emergency injunction against him and applied for an emergency residence order. My daughter refused to return to my care on the day the messages were received and has been with her dad since. I did not share the content of the messages with her but told her that her dad had left me some messages that weren't very nice and whatever I did it was because I love her and want to make sure she is safe. My ex brought my daughter to court. She wrote a long letter to the judge saying I was a crap mum (I wasn't - the letter was parroting her father) and she wants to live in peace with her daddy and new mummy (his 5th serious partner since separation to whom my daughter was introduced to a fortnight before). On the strength of the letter the judge decided that my daughter should live with him in the interim. Because of the injunction and bail conditions he is not allowed to communicate with me so I am left going cap in hand to his new partner begging for contact with my child, which requests so far have been refused. My daughter has told me that she will only consider having contact with me if I drop the charges against her dad as she has been told he may go to prison for 5 years if I don't. She has also called me a liar which makes me believe my ex has shared details of my statement with her. I don't think he has told her that he could go to prison for the drugs charges and he's happy to place the blame at my door, which is indicative of the type of man he is. My daughter is now blanking me completely and I feel completely hopeless, like a part of me has died. What should I do?


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Dove - posted on 11/13/2012




I agree with Holly. If everything you say is true, she is NOT safe there and I would not stop until she is home.

I'm assuming you have a lawyer who is aware of everything?

Holly - posted on 11/13/2012




what did they judge say about your ex's messages that were left to you? what did he say about him being abusive to you? what did the judge say about the drug charges? did you bring any of this up in court?

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