My 14 year is losing friends and not making news ones..

Chloe - posted on 03/26/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




My 14 yr. old daughter, is a sweet, easy-going, and above average in intelligence was diagnosed with ADD when she was 7. I've never thought that was the whole story... She has always been immature compared to her peers, slow to process social cues, and unaware of the big picture. I've suspected some sort of autistic spectrum disorder, but a very atypical one. She gets rejected daily from kids at school, sunday school and outside activities. Its getting worse as she gets older.
It hits me like a ton of bricks when I see whole groups of girls freezing her out at school, and it sends me into a depression. I have tried getting her into different activities, going to counseling, role-playing, and playing social engineer. Kids are annoyed with her. Professionals that I have asked have no answers. I don't know what to do. I worry so much I can't sleep, Any ideas?


Rebekah - posted on 03/26/2014




Some therapists that specialize in autism spectrum or Asperger's run social skills groups for kids to work on skills together. She might also find peers she can relate to in a group like that and make friends there.

Have you been able to pinpoint what behaviors she is doing that annoys the other kids? Can you target some of those behaviors and coach her what to do differently? Is her ADD under control? Can you have her evaluated by a child psychiatrist if you suspect there is more going on?

I don't want to push the idea of meds being the only answer here, but I'm just wondering if you tried anything to help her focus better on what is going on around her so she can respond differently (if ADD is an accurate diagnosis, at least in part).

14 is a tough age, and unfortunately most kids are not very tolerant or understanding at that age. Keep encouraging her to find her niche and develop her interests, whether its music or sports or art or whatever, and hopefully she can find more companionship in the context of that. Maybe she could try other activities where she could get different kinds of interactions with different kinds of people... like volunteering with the elderly, or helping out in the younger classes at sunday school, or volunteering at an animal shelter, or helping with special olympics. Just brainstorming here, but it may provide her with different social experiences for her to learn from. Hopefully some of those settings wouldn't be as harsh as her peer group. What about having a Big Sister (Big Brother/Big Sister organization) (I don't know how one qualifies, though)... someone to hang around with, do other activities, and get other social direction.

Can you talk to the sunday school teachers to see if they can talk to the other kids and help them understand her better?

Good luck... It is heart-wrenching to see you child struggle. She's lucky to have such a caring mom.

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