My 15 year old daughter puts on a big

Esmeralda - posted on 12/26/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




Should I continue fighting my 15 year old daughter to help with the house cleaning?


Jodi - posted on 12/27/2012




Nope, just show her where the kitchen is, show her where the grocery store is, show her where the washing machine is, remove the lightglobe from her room, remove her privileges to all of the things you do and pay for (eg, internet, telephone, tv), and let her know that when she decides to start paying rent, she can have some, but not all, of those privileges back (eg, she gets the internet when she can pay for it, she gets her light back when she can pay for it, and so on), and then when she decides to start helping with household chores again, you will be more than happy to include her clothes in the laundry, her meals when you cook.

I only had to mention these possibilities to my 15 year old when he complained about his chores, and he has never complained again. He knows I'm dead serious that his participation in the household chores is contributing to the household, and if he stops, I stop......I never, EVER had to even put it into place ;)


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Esmeralda - posted on 01/06/2013




Thank you Ariana. I will certainly try your idea. It is so confirting to be part of this supporting group. This is my first and only child and lately I have been overwelmed and confused with her behavior. If I only look at the big picture, she is a great kid. She has 4.3 GPA and she follows most of the family expectations and life style. Her weekness is that she is not involved in the house chores. I work 10-12 hours per day and I have to do 100 % of the house chores and this does not seem to bother her. She just expect it. The list of paid chores didn't work before but I wasn't consistent with the consequences. It is just easier to do the work myself than dealing with her arguments and moody responses.
Thank you!

Ariana - posted on 12/27/2012




It's a short post so it's hard to know exactly what's going on.

Either way I say make a chore list for her. Teens sometimes get defensive when you just ask them 'randomly' to do chores for house cleaning, whereas if you have a 'chore list' it's her not doing her chores instead of her not listening to you.

It's pretty simple really, get the chore list for the day (maybe one or two items depending on the job, or size of the jobs) and that's what she does. If she doesn't do it by ____ time (6 oclock?) this consequence happens (no tv, no going out tommorrow/today, loss of privilages like Dove said etc.). If it's an everyday job she's just supposed to do fix a consequence to it. If she has a sibling you can get them to do the chore and take money from her allowance to 'pay' the other child to do the chore. Or if you don't want to create any sibling rivalry issues you can do it yourself and get 'paid' for doing the daily chore along with a consequence.

Don't fight or bug her to do it either. Explain from now on this is what's going to happen and if she doesn't get it done by this time, consequences will be dealt. If that means she loses her phone for a couple days, or doesn't get to hang out with her friends tomorrow, so be it.

Explain to her she is responsible for contributing to the household, doing schoolwork, and THEN the rest of her life (job, friends etc.), in that order.

After that no more talking, teenagers tend to respond to actions more than words sometimes.

Dove - posted on 12/26/2012




Fight? No, but she can do her part or suffer whatever consequences you've laid out (like loss of privileges, doing her own cooking and laundry, etc...).

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