My 16 year old step daughter ran away, is she allowed her clothes

Patty - posted on 10/03/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hi all! I have a bit of a dilemma. My 16 year old step daughter who my husband had sole custody of since she was 2 years old ran away to live with her drug addict of a mother. (the mother lost her and her other kids to CAS) so my husband obviously got custody of her, and the daughter never saw her mom again until she was 12, and from then on, only on alternate weekends. The biological mother is on welfare, and only wanted her once she turned 15 and became 'self sufficient and brings in more money for her". Long story short, she ran away and refuses to talk to her father, she is so full of hatred towards her dad. She is DEMANDING her clothes back, and of course we won't think she should get her clothes, as 1) we paid for it with NO CHILD SUPPORT from the mother for 16 years 2) she is threatening her dad saying she wants her clothes the easy way. Is she ENTITLED to her clothes? My fear is once we give her clothes back, that;s telling the "welfare system" that we are okay with not having custody of her and would be on the hook for paying child support for her, when the biological mother never never gave my husband a penny for anything......And I don't like her threatening us anyways.


Chet - posted on 10/03/2014




Take the high road, and give her the clothes.

There are clearly a lot of issues here, but fighting over clothing will not help any of them. Holding clothing hostage isn't going to make your point, or forward your cause. It won't improve trust or communication or respect. It will only be another wedge between you.

Even if you paid for the clothing, you gave it to her. The clothes are hers now. You didn't buy the clothing with the understanding that you were only allowing her to wear it as long as you were on good terms.

Allowing your step daughter access to her possession won't send any kind of profound message to CPS or social services.

There's definitely a lot going on here, but you can't start working through it if you're fighting about clothing. Give her the clothes and focus on dealing with the actual issues.

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms