Susan - posted on 01/19/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )
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My daughter just turned 18 on January 15. She has graduated from high school early (this week). She has NEVER had a job, nor has she had a drivers license. She said she didn't feel the pressing need to obtain a drivers license and, as for a job, she said she applied everywhere but no one hired her. She now wants to move out with a 20 year old boy who has dropped out of college and says he wants to "open a business" and wants her to join him. When I asked her what their plans are for getting this business off the ground, she says they have been checking out many online companies that can help them. I asked her how she plans on paying for an apartment and she tells me he said he will cover her until she gets a job; however, he's NOT working! Needless to say, I am extremely distressed by this and I don't know which way to turn! I have spent the last three days depressed and crying and feeling like something horrible is about to happen. Any one have any advise on how I can cope with this? Had she been moving away to go to college, I would be depressed a bit, but would not feel this horrible doom feeling I have because I would know she was doing something to better herself. I just feel as though she is ruining her life and I don't know what to do! Maybe if she had a job and a drivers license I would feel she was mature enough to give it a try, but I would rather she try it without this guy. I would appreciate any word of encouragement or ideas of how I can possibly dissuade her from this. thank you from a broken hearted Mom!
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Jodi - posted on 01/19/2016
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The worst that can happen is she won't like adulting as much as she thought she would, she'll fail at it and come home until she is ready to try her wings out again. She's 18, you can't really stop her moving out of home, and neither can you stop her moving out with this guy. Just let her know you wish her the best, and that there will be a room at home for her if things don't work out, and most of all, let her know you love her and want the best for her.
Then, take a step back and let her learn. I get she has no experience, but she won't unless you allow her to go out and get it. It may be a mistake.......but that's how we learn. From our mistakes and successes. You can't shelter your daughter from life.
♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/19/2016
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Full agreement with the rest here, with this addition: Don't stress about the driver's license. MANY adults don't drive, and don't even have a license, and it's not that big a deal.
Parenting is difficult in the transition from 'kid' to 'adult'. Yes, they make some dumb choices, but...so did we, really, as we learned our way in the world. My eldest was extremely self sufficient, etc, and had great success getting out on his own. My youngest...well, lets just say that if I don't end up in an institution by the end of this ride, I'll be amazed! LOL
Let her know you're there. Let her know you'll be willing to help within reasonable limits, but that she needs to be prepared for the expense of being an adult, and in that regard, you'd like to 'offer her some advice'. Don't make it about how you are sure they aren't making the right choice, but about "this is how you look for a place to live". "This is how you start to handle finances"...things like that.
Michelle - posted on 01/19/2016
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I agree with the other ladies. Make sure she knows your door is always open.
In regards to your comment, they will soon learn that it is expensive going out on their own. When they start looking for places to rent and realize they don't have money for bond they may shelf the idea for a while.
Maybe even sit down with her and look online at what is available to rent. Work out a minimum that they will need to be earning to be able to pay the bills. It may just wake them up.
Yes, they do need to make their own mistakes, we all have,but they will soon learn that it's hard work being an adult.