My 19 year old son says his father and I are makeing all his decisions.

Amanda - posted on 11/26/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )




My 19 year old son says his father and I are makeing all his decisions and moves for him. Says we treat him like a child. Doesn't want to check in or have a curfew. He is a sophomore in college we pay car, gas, living expenses. How do we get him to feel independent but responsible to check in?


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Sarah - posted on 11/26/2014




At 19 I would not have a curfew. Now it is his life to learn when he needs to be home and when he can be out late. He is going to make mistakes, but that is all part of learning. As others have said a check in would be good......maybe having a once a week or so check in to just see how things are going. But now you have to let go and let him be an adult and learn how he wants to live his life. If he is living at home I can understand having him let you know that he is home would be good. Explaining to him that you worry about him and his safety and his checking in is more about you not worrying then it is about him having a curfew. I would not set a time he has to be home though.....that is something at his age he should be doing.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/26/2014




I agree with the others.

My son drafted a contract with us for living in our home (his idea). He adhered to it well.

Perhaps you and your son need to sit down and discuss the difference between his 'kid' responsibilities and his 'adult' ones, including courteous responses to you about his comings/goings and getting a job to help contribute to expenses.

A curfew for a 19 YO is slightly controlling. An agreed upon check in time, however, since he is still living at home, is courteous and respectful for both parties. And stop making his decisions for him. He won't learn if you keep it up. I work with kids your son's age every day at University, and it's irritating when they come in and can't do anything without their parent's dictating their choices. It stresses them out, and also lends to a higher drop out rate.

Ev - posted on 11/26/2014




Michelle is right and if you want him to feel responsible, have him get his own job and start to take on some of his own expenses too. Its fine to want to know times gone and coming home and expect him to respect the house rules and all, but to give him a curfew? He is an adult and he will be making his own choices too. If you are nagging about every little thing, I can see where he thinks you are still treating him like a little boy.

Michelle - posted on 11/26/2014




So what is his curfew? How often do you expect him to check in?
I think it's fair to get him to let you know where he is going and when expects to be home if he is living in your house. He is an adult though so does need to be given a bit of freedom. He doesn't need to tell you every little thing he's doing though.

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