My 2.5 yr old son is not attached to me at all. He wants only his dad for everything.

Maria - posted on 03/29/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )





My son is 2.5 yrs old and is not at all attached to me. i am a housewife and take care of him completely. Yet he likes only his dad. As soon as his dad comes home, he starts hitting and kicking me and keeps saying that his dad only shud feed him and take him to the toilet. He never lets me go near him. If i do, he pushes me and stares at me. One day after his dad left to office i asked him if he really likes mummy, he said he likes mummy because dad has gone to office. I really feel upset abt this. For that matter his dad is not over affectionate towards him. He plays with him and when my son does something wrong he even hits him.

Till one year back i was a working mom. When he was 5 months old I went part time to office leaving him with a caretaker. Could it be because of this that he does not like me? Please tell me how can i make him love me...Please help me



Renae - posted on 03/29/2010




It is VERY unlikely that your leaving him with a carer affected the development of his maternal attachment. Actually I am going to say absolutely that would not have affected him. Babies can form healthy bonds and attachments to several people, babies in communities where the extended family helps care for them have been observed to form up to 9 independent bonds with other care givers and this had no effect on their bond with their mother.

I am about to make a bit of an assumption here, but this is what jumps out at me from what you have said - I think your son is trying to get his father's affection and is filling this need by wanting to do everything possible with him. Pushing you aside may be his way of feeling closer to his dad. Children naturally need to be shown love and affection from both parents (or whoever the primary caregivers are in their life) and I think your son needs this from his dad. I do not think for one second that your son doesn't love you. I think that your son feels secure enough in the knowledge that you will love and care for him that he doesn't need to cling to you the way he does your husband. I most I have explained myself sufficiently.

Your little boy is at a very young age and he does not fully understand his behaviour. I believe he is acting on his emotions in the only way he knows how. I do not think you should try to ask him about this, he is too young. I think you should continue to love him and tell him so but do not push your affection on him.

Tenille makes some good points. I think you should stop worrying about this and not make it an issue. Have fun with your son, play games, take him to the park. And start to treat him like a little person, give him options and let him make decisions. He is at an age where he doesn't want to be a baby any more, so dont treat him like one.

I hope this has helped. Again, look, I might be way off. That is just my feelings when I read your question.

Maria - posted on 03/30/2010




Thanks all of you for your replies. I was very upset till yday. But your replies have made me think positively. I feel very encouraged and I now think i shud give him more time and eventually he will reciprocate my love and affection for him. Thanks once again for your tips.

Tenille - posted on 03/29/2010




Boys will definitely test their moms tolerance level. Be firm and dont yell at him cause little boys are born immuned to "nagging women". Do alot of fun activities with him such as kite flying, frisbee, going to the park to feed the ducks or arts and crafts. This will keep his mind busy. Toddlers like to be in control and in charge of everything, even what they eat. I read a book basically giving parents ways to get what they want and still allowing the child to think that they are in charge. Ex: My son refused to eat his veggies. I told him that he can either eat half his veggies or all of them and the faster he finishes the quicker he can go outside and worked liked a charm! lol I found that by allowing a child to make a decision based on your choices ONLY has been the most effective. He is probably more attached to dad because dad is the more playful of the two. Just continously tell him that you love him and he'll eventually come around..Hope this helps!


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Sharna - posted on 03/29/2010




I think this is totally normal!! I went through EXACTLY the same thing!! I thought I had done something wrong and when I thought about it I came to the conclusion that its just he's had enough of seeing me all day and just wants his daddy time!! Even along with his dads growlings, he still ran to dad first, even when my partner would leave for work I wasn't allowed anywhere near him he cried and cried then he ran to me for comfort as soon as he calmed himself down!! They do love us ALOT its just nice for them to see another face at the end of the day!! Don't feel like you are to blame for this behaviour, its normal! Now my son is 5 and he cannot go anywhere without me lol!!

Kristin - posted on 03/29/2010




Your leaving him with a care provider and going to work had nothing to do with this. It's a phase. A friend of mine's son did this at around 2 to 2.5 years old. Both of my boys have gone through this. They come back around to a more balanced place. I was told that it has to do with their growing sense of independence. He's doing it to you, because he is most secure with you. Just keep your chin up. Be consistent with the discipline and also tell him that while it's okay if he wants his dad to do everything for him when he gets home, you will not tolerate his being rude to you.

I hope that helps.

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