My 20 mo old granddaughter is just started the no to everything stage

Mary Ann - posted on 03/23/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )




I want to handle in a positive way but not let her have these outbursts of screaming no when she doesn't get her way. Up until now a very happy sweet little girl.


Dove - posted on 03/23/2016




The other ladies have given excellent advice. I just want to re-reassure you that as frustrating as this stage is... it is 100% normal. She is at the age where she is really discovering that she is a totally separate person from her caregivers. She has her own mind and her own desires and they frequently do not match up w/ those caregivers (since humans are wired to be completely self centered until their caregivers have repeatedly and patiently taught them that the world isn't just about them).

You can't 'stop' her from throwing a fit, but w/ time and consistency you can teach her that throwing a fit is not the way to get the desired results.... and hopefully once she learns that your days of fits will be few and far between.

Raye - posted on 03/23/2016




Try giving her a couple choices. "Do you want the pink cup or the orange one?" "Do you want milk or juice?" She can still yell NO, but then ask which choice she's saying NO to. If she keeps saying NO, then tell her that since she didn't choose, you will now choose for her. After a while being consistent with this, she should start picking from the choices, because she will learn that otherwise she doesn't get a say. Some choices may even be a "non-choice"... such as "would you rather walk nicely by the cart or leave the store?" If you give this kind of choice, then you have to be prepared to actually leave the store if she doesn't behave.

Sarah - posted on 03/23/2016




In addition to Evelyn's advice; try to phrase your requests in a way that give her choices. This will make her feel more in control and less likely to just say no; so rather than saying "no you can't have juice" try "would you like milk or water?" and instead of "eat your peas" say "I bet you can't eat three peas before I count to ten".
Now, she is still very young and is just learning that she can control certain things in her life. Her behavior is completely normal, while maybe not pleasant, it is perfectly typical.

Ev - posted on 03/23/2016




It is common for her to be this way at this age. It is the one word that they know. She is trying to exert some power she does have. She is also exerting her independent mind as well. You just have to be consistent and firm when it comes to telling her no about things that have to be a "no". If she tosses a fit, ignore it but still keep a wary eye out for her so she does not get hurt.


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/24/2016




I can't add anything to that except to say that toddlers haven't changed much in that regard!

Gentle redirection and following through with proposed consequences, and you will get through this!

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