My 20 year old can't get his act together

Jill - posted on 07/15/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




My 20 year old has left home, he's gone from job to job and loses friends as quick as he makes them. I have given him thousands of dollars to get him out of trouble, only for him to come back to me or his father the very next week. He only comes around when he want money. The last straw was recently I had a major medical operation, he did not contact me before or after the operation. I saw him a week later coming over for money. His father got furious with him and said he wasn't going to help him anymore. My son threw his house keys at his dad and stormed out. He then emailed me saying he was divorcing himself from the family and changing his second name. He was going to keep in contact with me and one of his cousins.
I think he'd depressed and in too deep with debt but he never tries to get out of it. He started a new job only to be off work a few weeks later because he got in a fight with someone and broke his hand and as he works in the physical side of things he was laid off with no pay, no insurance and no government assistance. He would not come home, so now owes the people he live with weeks of rent.
I'm at a loss as to what I can do where I am not being used and not being very helpful just giving him hand outs.


View replies by

Michelle - posted on 07/15/2013




Jodi is right. You need to let him fend for himself. He's left home and is making his own choices so it's time for tough love and cut the financial help.

Jodi - posted on 07/15/2013




He still has house keys?

It's time for some tough love. Dad is right. You need to stop bailing him out. As long as he knows you guys will bail him out every time, he won't learn anything. It is time to say no. Unfortunately, because this has gone on for so long, your son clearly has expectations and now feels wronged, but the fact is, you guys should have said no a long time ago. He is old enough to live with the consequences of his own actions.

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