My 20 year old son, pothead and rule breaker. What to do?

Donna - posted on 01/18/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




My 20 year old son is in his second year of college and has started making some very questionable choices. A month after the last fall semester he started dating a girl and has become completely engrossed with her. Her current status is that she has no vehicle, a low paying job, isn't currently taking classes as of January because she messes up her scholarship she had, and her parents live 6 hours away. My son, against our advice has taken her into the dorm and she is living there full time. He is in a private room with a private bathroom so no other roommates are effected except in public areas on the floor. His father and I told him before he left at the holidays that she was not to live in the dorm since it was against the schools policy to have non students in the dorms for any extended period of time. Now that I have the information that he has broken the rules I'm not sure what to do. Do we pull him out of school? Wait for him to get caught and kicked off campus? Pull the funding for school? We are currently paying for all room and board fees, phone bills, car insurance, and of course the books and school itself. Oh and I have also found out that they smoke marijuana on a regular basis. All of this from a kid that has seemed to have his head straight since day one. I have no idea what to do with him! Help!


Dove - posted on 01/19/2013




Let him know if he's breaking the rules... his funding stops (for everything) and he's on his own. You can't dictate his life choices at 20 years old, but you certainly don't have to fund them.

Mardi - posted on 01/19/2013




Time to lay downt he law and tell him of the conditions of his lifestyle.

Ie, if you live with this girl and get busted with her in your dorm, we will not pay for alternative accomodation, we will not pay for further schooling or anything else, you will need to get a job if this is the life path you choose to take. If you wish to go back and study, you will have to do it all yourself, as our assistance has ended.

Spell it out, down to the most minute detail, so he cant say he wasn't told, even draw up an old fashioned contract so he can keep a copy.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/19/2013




Maybe threaten to stop paying his way. If he gets caught, he gets kicked out. If you stop paying, he may get kicked out also. Explain again the severity of the situation to him, and if she does not leave, you stop paying.


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