My 20 year old son won't get a life!!

Deiidrayvonne - posted on 12/17/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )




My trying to look out for my son is straining my relationship. I am in a 7 year relationship with a great man. We have a 6 yr old together. We just moved into our own home and my 20 yr old son is living with us. My fiancé keeps telling me that I spoil him, that I make excuses for him and he's not the only person who has said this to me. I know it's the truth...I know I've been too easy on him, but I don't know how not to be. It's my nature. My biggest fear is I will send this lazy, irresponsible, disrespectful human being into the world and someone who doesn't love him like we do and doesn't care for him, will deal with him the way the world deals with these kinds of people. I've tried to talk to him about his actions and lack there of but he JUST DOESN'T SEEM TO GET IT! And then I end up in the middle with my fiancé upset because he feels disrespected in his own house and my son not being able to understand what the big deal is that he didn't do the dishes, he didn't return something he borrowed, he didn't clean up after himself. He doesn't work, he has a 2 year old son and I can't shake him out of this limbo!! I'm afraid that if I throw him out that something will happen to him! I love both of these men with all of my heart...what do I do?
Help please!!


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Michelle - posted on 12/17/2014




Even with the advice of the first 2 posters you still made excuses for him not to be responsible and grow up.
You need to show him some tough love now or he will be 40 and still mooching off you and your Fiance will be long gone.
Like Dove said, draw up a contract and stick to the timeframe you set. Tell him he needs to get a job to support his own child like you have done since his Father left.

Dove - posted on 12/17/2014




He's 20... the time to raise him was when he was a child. Now it's too late. Write up a contract with him where he will be paying rent and be responsible for all of his own personal bills and belongings... and whatever household things you feel are reasonable for an adult tenant to contribute to.... let him know he has 30 days to prove he can uphold the contract... or show him the door... and stick to it.

He'll either sink or swim, but it will all be on him.... Unless you want a 40 year old moocher living at home.

Deiidrayvonne - posted on 12/17/2014




He does help out and he watches his little brother when I need him to but it isn't nearly enough. My big problem is that he has a sense of entitlement. I guess it's my fault, for years I over compensated for his dad not being around. Now I've created a monster and I don't know what to do about it!

Ev - posted on 12/17/2014




I have to agree with the other poster here. Your son needs a wake up call. He has a child of his own he needs to be taking care of as well. Its sad that you have allowed him to just live there without any form of his doing things to help out around the house or getting a job to pay on rent, utilities, and to support his child. He is lazy. He has it so easy because you keep allowing it and excusing it.

Rachel - posted on 12/17/2014




Your son is using you and manipulating you. Give him a time frame to move (or at least get a friggin job) and stick to it!
This is coming from a soon-to-be mom and former life leach.

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