My 3 yr old refuses to get potty trained. Everyone blames me. Help?

Betty - posted on 04/02/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )




I'm at the end of my rope. My 3 yr old attends daycare. On Aug 1st he will get moved up to his next class IF he's completely potty trained. Some other kids in his class are not potty trained yet either. This week they are refusing to allow him to wear pull ups. Underwear only. He continues to wet and poop in his underwear. He doesn't care that he's wet or dirty. He will sit in his own poo and not say a word to anyone. I constantly take him to the potty and he'll just sit there. Within 5 minutes or less after he gets up from the potty, he poops or pees in his underwear. I know I'm not suppose to show any frustration but it's too late. I can't take this anymore. The daycare workers are laying guilt trips on me every day when I drop him off, my husband blames me for not working with him enough, all the other "moms" I know have bombarded me with things to do to get him trained. I've tried the M&Ms, the baby doll that pees, books, videos, going to the bathroom in front of him and nothing workss. I feel so much pressure to get him potty trained now just so people will get off my back about it. This is suppose to be about him, not someone else's "schedule". I've been crying my eyes out this evening. I don't know what else to do. My poor son is the one suffering from most of this. I just don't feel like he understands. His speech isn't that good either. He's had numerous ear infections, tubes, and they say that puts a child behind in speech. However his vocabulary is growing everyday and I can pretty much understand what he tells me but again, daycare tells me he's behind all the other kids, and my husband puts all the blame on me not doing enough with him. I'm about ready to quit my full time job and just deal with my son. OK, enough with my pitty party. I need some good solid advice from people who have gone through this. HELP?????


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Betty - posted on 04/04/2014




I think my son is just being stubborn. We've tried telling him over and over that big boys go to the potty and babies go in their diapers. He doesn't seem to respond to that advice. But since I last posted on here, I have tried just letting him run around the house with no underwear or diapers on. It' seems to help a little but it's only been in the evenings when I'm off work. I've told my husband if he gives me any more flack about this I will take several days off work and just deal with our son. He can worry how we'll pay the bills then. If he doesn't want me to do that he needs to back off of me and quit expecting me to be wonder woman. So now it's the weekend and I can spend more time working on this. And get this, after only a week of daycare telling me no pull ups, I got a notice today to bring more pull ups. They really gave it some time huh? Well needless to say I will be speaking to the director on Monday about this. I'm feeling better about this now.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/04/2014




I agree with Jodi. I had one good trainer, one that didn't want to. His changing point was that he wanted to go to 'school' (preschool), and couldn't if he wasn't trained.

I told him "big boys who go to school go potty in the toilet", and within a week, he was good.

Jodi - posted on 04/02/2014




How is this a blame game? Kids potty train when they are ready and they are all different. It certainly isn't a competition. Just remember, August is still a long way away. There is a big difference between 3 and almost 3 1/2. Why don't you just back off and give him and you a break for a while. I would tell daycare to back off for a little too. it does NOT take 4 months to potty train a child.

Does he know that he can't move up with his friends unless he trains? I had exactly the same issue with my son (except I didn't stress over it), and I made it HIS decision to move up with his friends, as opposed to staying with the "babies". It took a few weeks for him to consider it (with us discussing it regularly) and once he made the decision, he was potty trained in 4 days. It is amazing what a 3 year old will understand if you present it to them in the right way.

The thing about potty training, is that this is the one thing in their lives that you have NO control over. You can encourage, coax, provide, but you cannot control their choice. If you present him with two options, you are now giving him some control over his decision. He is most likely to take the one that appeals to him the most.

Hillary - posted on 04/02/2014




I am sorry but you are really funny. Toilet training is totally different from kid to kid. My daughter talked and was trained at 1 1/2. My son not so good. So, you are in the wrong daycare. I would rethink the husband too. Your son isn't suffering, he is 3. He won't remember anything. New daycare--with trained staff who don't blame you.
We found a great daycare that put my son in line with the other boys. They all did what the boy before them did. So, in 1 week he was trained. Good luck. By the way, how many of your family and friends don't use the toilet? This too will pass--so to speak.

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