My 3rd grade boy is getting bullied but the schools blame him instead of helping. What to do?

Penny Rae - posted on 01/11/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




My 9yr old is constantly bullied on the bus and at school. He has several learning disabilities and doesn't always communicate what he wants or needs to say very well. Instead of the school doing something to stop this they blame him or say he's just lying regardless of any proof including bruises on him. I have him in therapy and try my best to handle things but I am at my end and don't know what to do.


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Penny Rae - posted on 01/19/2013




thanks for the suggestions but these are mostly things i have already tried. I cannot put him in another school. the next closest one is an hour away, and as far as marshal arts classes they are not available around here and even if they were I couldn't afford it.

Ariana - posted on 01/11/2013




I would put your son into martial arts. This will help is self-esteem and (generally) martial arts places talk about bullying and what to do.

I believe you should go through every avenue with the schools to work bullying out if possible. If that doesn't work if a child hits him you should tell him to hit them back.

I know that isn't what everyone says you're 'supposed to do, but you know what if the kids hitting him and he hits them back they're going to think twice about it the next time. Bullies don't like getting hurt, even if they're stronger than your son. Your son should defend himself from physical violence.

I knew this boy who would get beat up at school by the same boys and the school wasn't doing anything, my mother ( a martial arts instructor) told the parents that they should tell him the next time those boys come towards him to beat him up he should go hit the instigator as hard as he can and then run screaming to the teacher they attacked me, they attacked me. I'd rather have my son get in trouble at school for defending himself than beat up every day.

Now obviously he shouldn't hit kids for verbal bullying (even though verbal bullying is equally harmful). And this of course should be explained to him.

For verbal bullying he should try his best to ignore it, or if not possible firmly tell the kids he is NOT a _____ and walk away. He should then tell you or a teacher. The best thing then is to try to get a councellor or mediator to talk to all the kids. Even if the school decides to blame your child or says there's no proof there should be no reason why a school councellor cannot speak to all of the kids together to try to mediate the situation and see what can be done to solve it.

I would also contact the parents and try to have a - CALM - conversation with them. Even if they are unresponsive if you calmly explain the situation and what's happened they have to at least think about it. Don't go into it saying your child is a beast (even if they are) but explain the FACTS, so you would say my son told me that so and so called him a _____ at school with some of his friends or hit my son on the bus. I want to find out what your sons side is and see if we can work out a way to solve this problem/figure out what to do with the situation. There will be some parents who will say you have no proof or be hostile and you would simply tell them you just want to know what's going on and figure everything out for the better of both children, some parents might be more helpful as long as you go into it calmly. No one wants to acknowledge their child is being a bully, but if you speak calmly to them there's a much better chance they'll be willing to talk.

If you've done ALL these things and nothing is helping I would change his schools. Your son does not deserve to be in a space where he is being bullied every day. If you went to work every day and someone was hitting you or verbally abusing you would you put up with that? Of course not, you'd probably do whatever you could to change your job. He's being forced to go to school (which is bad enough ha) and now he's forced to go to school where he's being bullied. It isn't good for his education or his mental health. Try this other things but if all else fails change schools.

Michelle - posted on 01/11/2013




If the school won't help go above the school to the school division and if they do nothing look for a new school.

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