Jennifer - posted on 10/09/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




My daughter is 4 years old, she is in school and beides a few problems at school with other children, her techer says that she is an amazing kid, she listens, cleans up, helps out, gets along with all the other kiddies. so she is a great kid at school, and for family members. So they say anyways but part of me thinks they just dont want to tell me that she was bad or something while with them.

AT HOME, She refuses to clean her room, she trys to run around like she owns our house, she has these fits that I cant even explain, she has this habbit of screaming bloody murder when she has to clean, anything Me or her dad ask her to do she says she doesnt know how, she cant do it... She has lost all her toys and now has nothing in her room except for her bed and dressor. when she asked me a question and I dont answer her right away, will repeat herself 100 times until I finally I lose it, when Im talking to her and explaining to her why she is in trouble it just doesnt register almost, and she laughs at me... I am very stressed out and have no idea what to do anymore. We have went and talked to ppl and they all say there is nothing wrong with her behavor .

last time we took her toys out of her room she just kept saying i dont need these toys, i dont like them.

she takes me to this level of anger I have never felt before, and I am starting to scare myself because of it. My husband comes home from work and I cry to him. becasue it doesnt matter what I do she is negative toward me and its almost like refuses to have fun at all. when I say no to her she keeps going and going and going, asking why or telling me that wants it.

no punishment works.



Ariana - posted on 10/09/2012




What exact behaviors is your daughter displaying? I find with these types of things this behavior can be overwhelming, it can help to make a behavior log for 1 or 2 weeks to see if there is a pattern in the behavior. Write down exactly what she does/what time how you reacted etc. That way you can see if she's mostly having meltdowns for being asked to clean, or if she's yelling at you, or if she's interrupting you. It's much easier to target a specific behavior than a one fits all way to fix every situation. You might even notice some sort of pattern in the times she acts out most etc.

If you've taken her things away you need to give her a way to earn them back.

At age 4 she may need help cleaning her room (depending how messy it is). Obviously you don't want to do everything but you may need to put up pictures on things so she knows what goes where. You could tell her that once her rooms clean she will be able to do something she likes, like watch tv, or play with the toys that have been taken away.

Ignore the screaming. I know that is waay harder then it sounds but it is the only thing you can do. If you just can't ignore it you can tell her 'I don't listen to people who scream at me' and either leave the room or tell her to go into her own room.

I would target 2 specific behaviors that are the worst and work on those. If you try to fix everything it will be too overwhelming.

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