My 6 year old daughter doesn't want to live with me anymore.

Shelly - posted on 12/22/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




My children's father left the relationship when I was pregnant with our youngest. Ever since then the kids have all lived with me and he visits pretty regularly. He and I have no communication whatsoever at his request. The courts have allowed him to communicate through a logbook and I have given up trying to coparent with him.

I know if I allow her to live with him I will never get her back and I don't think it is healthy to live with a parent who does not want to coparent. On top of that his girlfriend, the woman he left me for, has decided my kids should call her mommy too. I have begged them to stop, ask the courts to intervene, prayed, but noone can do anything. So now my kid, all of them, refer to her as mom. Its been 3 years and the oldest is only 6 so it was easy to train them. I hate them for this, more than anything.

They refuse to attend any school activity if I am also in attendance. I truly think these two are crazy. So yes, I am pretty confident on my decision to not allow my 6 year old to live there, but I am growing tired every day with her insults of how dirty our house is compared to his, how much happier she would be there, etc. I cry when she isn't looking and wonder what to do. I am so tired. Thanks for reading.


Jodi - posted on 12/22/2012




She is 6. She doesn't have a say in who she lives with and she is too young to make a decision about her own best interests. That is why we have courts. Do you have court ordered custody?

With regard to them not calling her mom, I think you need to let that go. The chances are they are calling her that through choice, and you continuing to bug them about what they should and should not call the new girlfriend will only distress them further. Kids aren't stupid, they figure it all out in their own time, and they know who their real mum is. It is just a label. And as children, it is there way of giving her a place in their life, and mum makes sense to them because when they are there, that is the role she plays. They don't see it the same way you do, so probably don't understand why it upsets you. I think you need to accept it and move on.

With regards to the insults about the dirty house, just make the comment that it is harder to keep the house tidy when there is only one adult in the house doing all the work, and they have two adults.

Anyway, basically, you are allowing these things to hurt you. You own your own feelings on this. As much as I can see WHY you are feeling this way, you have to stop allowing it to get you down. It may help talking to a counsellor - I have found therapy a great way to empower yourself about how you allow things to make you feel. It is hard to look at it objectively, but sometimes you need to learn to be able to do this.

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