My baby boy died 4 weeks ago and everyone seems to have forgot!

Natalie - posted on 08/05/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )




Hi there, I have been on here previously to tell everyone about my tragic loss.
My baby boy was born on the 20th of June 2012, wasnt breathing and died of birth asphixia. He died on the 27th of June 2012.
Since his death everyone was saying "We are here if you need us!" or "Dont suffer in silence!" I always said to them, thank you for your kind words and yes we will need you, when everything has gone silent after the funeral.
He was buried on the 9th of July and as far as funerals go, he had a fantastic send off, we organised everything ourselves from start to finish.
After his funeral we were still quite numb and our hardest days have been in the last 3 weeks or so, were we have started on the road of grieving.
My side of the family are really supportive, my sister rings me everyday and so does my mum, as Im finding it helps to speak about it all, that seems to be getting me through each day.
My husbands family on the other hand, seem to have just forgotton, his mum and dad have been good, but his brothers and sisters have ignored our son has ever exsisted.
My husbands, brother and wife are expecting too and she keeps going on facebook and writing how excited she is and that her baby is fine and that she is bored of being pregnant and cant wait to be able to have a beer or two. His neice has recently had a baby and keeps putting on how beautiful her boy is and that nothing else matters in the world. If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldnt put those kind of comments, Ive personally been getting angry and have come off facebook, as those people just dont seem to be considerate.
None of the family acknowledge what has happened to us and everytime we see them, they never bring it up or even ask how we are. Im even worried about seeing his brothers baby when its born, as I dont want them to rub it in my face.
Im getting mad at each and every one of them and cant understand why they arnt supporting my husband. What do I do and is this feeling normal??


Michelle - posted on 08/05/2012




They may not know what to say, especially since they are pregnant/just had a baby.

You can block their posts showing up on your newsfeed so you don't see it all the time. I'm sure they haven't forgotten what you have been through but some people don't know what to say and find it's easier not to bring it up.

Maybe talk to his family about how you are feeling. We all deal with grief differently so they may not know that you need to talk about what happened. I would also tell his neice and SIL that although you are happy for them, it's very hard to see the things they are posting.

I'm sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you are going through. xxxxx


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Natalie - posted on 08/06/2012




Thank you for all your kind words. I have told his family how I feel, but everytime I do, they go quiet and change the subject and its really hurtful. I used to work with one of my husbands sisters, for 4 years, so she knows me really well, but just wont talk to me about Harrys death and its making me so upset I feel like bursting, my husband has just been left to deal with everything on his own and I feel so sorry for him, sometimes he needs other people to talk to more than me.
I have deactivated my account on facebook, so cant cause myself any pain going on to see everyones comments.

Dawn - posted on 08/05/2012




I am so, so sorry for your loss. It makes me cry just to hear about it. I can't imagine what you're going through. Most likely, neither can your family. Take your time to heal, and just tune out the negative stuff. You don't need that. Don't worry about the future, it's not here, yet. Tell your relatives how you feel and what you're thinking. If they don't listen or don't care, that's on them. God bless you in this difficult time.

Lacye - posted on 08/05/2012




I'm so sorry for you loss. I can't imagine what you are going through. And that is probably why his family seems tactless. They don't understand how hurt you are by the loss of your son. You pregnant sister in law and the niece that just had a baby are probably not trying to rub it in. They are more than likely excited about their children. I know it looks really bad on their parts but I don't think they are purposely trying to hurt your feelings. It would probably be better if you did like the other ladies said and just block their posts for a while so you won't be able to see them. That way you can take your time to heal from this heartache like you should. Once again, so sorry for what happened to you.

Cherish - posted on 08/05/2012




So sorry for your loss :(
Maybe your husbands side does not know how to handle the death of a baby.Maybe they are acting like nothing happened because they do not know what to do or say,so they don't say anything.Have you talked to them about it?
As far as your pregnant sister in law,I am sure she is just excited and is not trying to "brag" or be hurtful but since it is hard for you to see the things she is saying,I would remove her from facebook or change the settings so you do not see updates when she posts them until after you have had time to grieve.I think it is perfectly normal to be angry with them and the world in general.Anger is part of grieving..what happened was not fair....

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