My Bf Has A Kid By His Ex That He Has Never Seen

Sasha - posted on 11/21/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hi Moms,

First, I'm not a mom just a woman wanting to hear different opinions on this subject.

I met my bf and on our first date he told me he had an ex who was pregnant with a baby that may or may not be his. He wanted me to be fully aware before dating him which I will forever appreciate. I was a dumb college student who just wanted to have fun and I thought it was the perfect set up. He wouldn't try to commit to me and we could date and have fun with out seriousness. Then he would never have to have that uncomfortable convo with another woman.

Of course life doesn't work like that and we fell in love hard. He is so sweet and caring. I swear. He's shy and funny and nerdy.

He met this girl and knocked her up in 2 months. He believed her when she said she was on birth control and didn't use protection (dumb ass I know). He's also very naive which is how he got into the other situation but it's endearing to me. We balance each other out perfectly

Well, after the baby was born we found out it was his through a paternity test. I was ok with it and prepared to be a step parent because I loved him deeply already although it had only been 6 months.

The mom is bat shit crazy and I swear I'm not exaggerating. I have a step dad so I know blended families can work if everyone involved is rational but she is not. She is also not happy with the fact that I'm black (they are white).

So she refused to let him see the kid and because it was easier not to deal with her we didn't fight it. About 2 months later he had to move across the country for work and I moved as well. We live on the other side of the country and since the baby isn't a year old now he can't see him and his schedule/money won't let him fly there anyway.

At this point he is just paying child support. We think it's going to best to stay away because by the time he's able to be in the kid's life without the mother interfering the kid will be older and set in racist ways and whatever else the mom feeds it and she doesn't want us to have anything to do with the kid anyway.

It kind of eats both of us up but we've just accepted that we have a bill every month that isn't going any where and the situation is just really sad.

What do you guys think of this and what would you do in this situation?

I wish the kid could know my bf because he's awesome and will make a great dad but the mom makes it difficult and she also said she'll try to ruin his life or our relationship. I know I'm more important to him than the child and that sucks but we're human and not perfect.

So basically I want him to know his kid but it isn't worth it to fight with the mom and we can't afford to anyway. Idk I'm just sad for the kid because his life won't be good. The mom isn't smart and she doesn't work or want to go to college or have aspirations. She wanted a kid for the benefits... I'm just sad for the kid I guess.


Shandale - posted on 11/21/2013




Dear Sasha,
I have been where the other woman is. She is probably unsure about what she wants out of life and unsure who she is if she is young. The best advice I can give you is to have patience. I would also suggest checking into an attorney in the area where you moved from to check into custody of the child. You can petition to have joint custody once the child is a little older and be a part of his life. If you feel she is unfit then you could petition for full custody also but generally courts side with the mother when they are that young. Your husband and you both need to decide if you are ready to be parents full time or on part time basis. Then proceed accordingly to how you feel. Race does not matter in the eyes of the court keep that in mind. She won' t have a say.
God bless and prayers.

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