My daughter in law does not like me and is controlling my son

Pierrette - posted on 11/05/2019 ( 1 mom has responded )

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So my daughter in law has taken a step back from our family and my son supports her. I thought it started July 6th when my daughter's shower was given by her sisters and the bachelorette party was the same date (at night) which my daughter in law and my son's girlfriend were not invited.(they were going to a cottage 6 of them) My daughter in law (Nat) has kept a grudge about it and 3 weeks later for the wedding we got our son a trailer for the barn wedding (they have 3 of our grandchildren), my son Robin had to change his plans to bring it up to destination but coming back he and his gf had other plans so declined to bring it back, it wasn't his responsibility and got angry when his older brother insisted making him feel guilty but Robin for once in his life did not give in. The relationship has been very strained with them and family. Robin has been recently diagnosed with Bipolar and so he felt so bad for refusing his brother he drove 2 hours to see them to apologized and she screamed "I have mental issues to, I am on antidepressants, work, have 3 kids to care for. a husband and I don't use my disease as an excuse". Oct 12th my husband and I were invited by my son for a talk (instigated by me) and when I sat down she immediately started tabling her grievances since she was pregnant 13 years ago, and she had a lot .....I was shocked. my son just sat there and said nothing. She even said I didn't go to my son's birthday party 31 Aug. (playing poker with cigarette smoke infested home and weed stink) I saw him week after and gave him his gift. I was drained walking away from that meeting oh yeah and at one point she pointed the finger to the door and told my husband to get the xxxxx out of her house when he defended me and I held his hand harder to make sure he stays put because I knew if we left we would never come back. The next day I texted my son and told him I had no idea she held so many grievances and that I don't hold on to negativity that's why I can remain happy (she had I must be so unhappy to put up with things that hurt me)..... how much I did love him ..... anyway, guess who texted back ..... HER! on my son's text, saying "see....you shouldn't talk behind peoples back." I was incensed! I wrote back to her on my son's line very respectful and didn't get a reply. I haven't received a phone call or even a text from my son. First of all I am so hurt my son allowed his wife to treat me like that. (but she treats her mom like that too. Told her to get out as well) My question is how do I handle this situation.....I text one of my grandchildren every week but the others have no phone. I'm thinking of just ignoring them, concentrate on our grandchildren. My husband called my son and told him to call me and although he said he would he never did ...been 3 weeks now.

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Jessica - posted on 11/06/2019

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I’m sorry you’re in this predicament. Family drama can get pretty sensitive. I would be curious to know if you had said anything to your daughter about why they were not invited?

I’m not taking sides here, but have you put yourself in her shoes and tried to see things from her perspective? Sounds like she feels like she hasn’t been accepted into the family as real family and feels like she is being treated like an outsider and being judged by you.

All I can suggest is call her. Don’t text. Call her and reach out to her. Take her out to lunch just you and her. Get on neutral ground and let her know you care for her just like a daughter. All you can do is reach out and try to make amends. Treat her the way you would like to be treated by your mother in law. That’s really all you can do in my opinion.

If you ignore them and just talk to your grandkids it sounds like she will end up taking that privilege away from you too. Just food for thought.

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