My daughter is 10 months 6 days old an she throws a fit I dont know what to do about it.

Shelly - posted on 02/10/2010 ( 32 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 10 months an 6 days old, she will lay in the floor kicking her feet an scream when she dont get what she wants, I dont know how to get it under control. I always give in to her so I dont have to hear her scream for about an hour. HELP...

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Renee - posted on 02/10/2010

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I would never spank a child especially one who is not talking and could never understand the meaning of such discipline.

Renee - posted on 02/12/2010

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OMG - I cannot believe some of the advice here! Spank a baby? Give a lecture? Oh brother I will stop contributing to this insane conversation. Babies are babies, they are not toddlers and cannot understand spanking, lectures or time out. Give me a break.

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Dawn - posted on 02/17/2010

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walk away & ignore her behavior. she is looking for attention & if you give her attention it will tell her that this is how she should act when she wants your attention. i have raised 4 boys (who are all now young men) and i could always take them anywhere without fear of tantrums, because tantrums never elicited the attention they were designed to.

Erica - posted on 02/17/2010

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Heck! Tantrums started early. You MUST ignore her. It is the only way. It is hard, very hard you want throw yourself through the nearest window I KNOW! But the more you give in to her the more she will do it. She needs to learn that you are the boss, that you are in control not her. She is a baby after all. She cant help her tantrums because she is a baby. She cant control her feelings, her temper but you can kerb it by ignoring her. Walk away from her but within seeing distance that she is not hurting herself. make her think you are not interested in her. She will soon stop believe me.

I had head banging, kicking, screaming, scratching at her face for a long long time but this way works. It is tried and tested by many mums over the years.

Major thing you need to do is keep in control because when she sees you have lost it and give in she has won. You arent doing her any favours by giving in to her. Nip it in the bud now while shes young.

Stay strong xx

Marilyn - posted on 02/15/2010

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Hi there just wanted to tell you that one of my three children saw a friend's child do that and she was clever enough to notice that it achieved success, so she decided to try it with me. I was very tempted to warm her behind, but I had once read an article on children throwing tantrums and the advice was - do the same. So I waited until she tried it again and threw myself on the floor next to her and screamed and kicked my feet and generally made an absolute ass of myself. All I can say is she looked at me with absolute disbelief and disgust, got up and that was the last of it!!!

Regards Marilyn Campbell

Debra - posted on 02/15/2010

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I agree with all the moms about not giving in. That's why she keeps throwing the fits. She knows that mom is going to give her what she wants eventually. Be strong! Use a good time out. If that means she has to be in her crib, let it be. She's a bit too young to sit in a time out. A swat on the bottom isn't too harsh I think either.

Pam - posted on 02/14/2010

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If it is just a fit put the child in a play pen for safety and walk away. Give it about 5 to 10 mins. Then check on her if she is still in a fit tell her in a calm but firm voice when your done you can get out. then walk away. When she stops pick her up and tell her you love her and go on with your day. This will pass in time. Never spank it only makes them cry more and at that age they won't understand what it is for. Safety first, then time to get the fit out, then moms love when she is done. Good luck and enjoy your child even with the fits they are only young for awhile.

Trista - posted on 02/13/2010

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Okay, I am reading some of these responses and you all have got to be kidding me. This is an infant under the age of 1. She is not a toddler, time outs are not recommended at this age at all. All you were told is that she lays on the floor and kicks and screams....
Do we know if the child can crawl or move at all? Is she in pain? How long has this mother left the kid lying there. For all any of you know this infant wants to be held.
Hold your child, love your child and try calmly talking to her reassuring that you are there for her, even if she has no clue what you are talking about. All she knows is she is SAFE.
THIS IS AN INFANT. WAKE UP PEOPLE.
I am going to stick to my own circle of moms from here on out, because this advice out here is insane, who spanks an infant, lectures an infant , tells an infant to use their words even if they don't have any, who the hell does this. I am thankful I am not some of your children.

Sue - posted on 02/13/2010

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well, if you keep giving in to her she is going to keep up the throwing a fit. the only thing i foundthat worked for this problem is just to make sure the child cannot hurt herself and leave the room-to somewhere you can keep an eye on her and make sure she does not hurt herself. or, just sit down and let her cry-you are going to have to hear her scream for a few minutes but in a couple of times, she will soon find out that she is not going to get her way and will stop the fit throwing. be strong, mom!

Mandy - posted on 02/13/2010

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Stand firm and let her cry it out! Eventually as long as you remain strong and persistent in giving her the same reaction, it should let down! Invest in a pair of earplugs if you need to, or even walk away, but pretend you cannot hear her. If it is a genuine need you know to take care of it already, but if she is just throwing a fit because she is not getting what she wants, then the behavior needs to be ignored! If you let her get away with it now, then it will become a pattern for your lives. She is only ten months so she cannot communicate with words yet I am guessing. As long as you know that all of her possible needs have been met (Diaper, food, drink, toys or music for distraction, and safety) then she should be fine! It will wear on your nerves, but she will figure it out! As hard as it may be, use your soft voice when talking to her, reassure her of your love, and let her know that when she is calm then you can think about giving her what she wants if it is appropriate. I would say to check on her once in a while during her fit just to make sure she is still safe, but try not to let her know that what she is doing bothers you. If she sees that it bothers you, it will continue just to try and make you give in to her. She wins that way, so don't do it!! Hugs! I hope this helps you!

Banannine - posted on 02/12/2010

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Each child has a very different form of expression. Some are generally more active and sometimes aggressive than others. My 9 month old likes to sit in the corner and play with his own toys and self discover, while my little sister (obviously big age difference) was a more damaging child, she enjoyed attention, throwing fits since she was born and genuinely enjoyed watching people go nuts. In retrospect all of the disciplinary action that we did give, was only harmful especially at such a young age. You really need to feel what the child is experiencing and if its frustration for attention pick them up and hold them close so they feel secure. if they are mad about a toy, sit down with them very calmly and show them how to reach that toy. I have found that with children that make desperate demands, the best tactic is to take them away from the situation hug them and silently put them to a place that is acceptable to you, with toys that are ok to play with. at 10 months the baby isnt spoiled yet, they just need something extra. My little sister grew up with constant discipline and nobody ever realized that she just needed more love than the other kids. She turned into a troubled teenager with the mindset that nobody loves her. Im not saying that your child is anything like that, im just saying that each baby has there own way and for some simple discipline is the key while others just need a little more attention for mom.

Pauline - posted on 02/12/2010

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IF YOUR CHILD WAS OLDER THAN I WOULD HAVE SAID TO THROW A FIT
WITH HER.NOW IS NOT THE TIME .
TALK TO HER IN A SOFT BUT STERN VOICE AND ASK HER TO STOP. SO AS YOU CAN HELP HER, IF THIS DON'T WORK ASK AGAIN, IT WILL TAKE TIME,SHE WILL
STOP WHEN SHE REALIZE THAT SHE CAN'T GET TO YOU WITH THE FITS.
CHILDREN ARE FUNNY LITTLE BEINGS AND THEY CAN HAVE YOU FOR A MEAL.IF YOU DON'T END IT NOW.

Glaucia - posted on 02/12/2010

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I have twins so my exercise is to keep control when situations like that happens. My receipt is when it starts I usually give one step behind in order to understand why they are acting this way and then you will need to think and have the best solution. For me there is no other way - and of course this atitude needs to be quick. Best thing I can say - keep yourself controlled and centered - it is hard sometimes, but this is the way it works for me - the control is yours, not your chindren's.

Tresa - posted on 02/12/2010

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Maybe you need to give you baby choices. They cannot really express them self. If you see the behavior about to start stop it before it get to that falling out. Try giving your child something to choose from. Now if your child falls out anyway just make sure there is nothing around where he/she can harm them self and walk away let them have it. After awhile come back tell them what you want them to do. Try to be more understanding it just a baby he/she cannot express them self yet.

Jasmine - posted on 02/12/2010

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She is only 10mths, you shouldn't smack her and she certainly won't understand a conversation about her behaviour but she is smart enough to know that if she continues to scream for something you will eventually cave in. She is probably frustrated, I realise you probably are too but don't give in to her, paying her any attention at this point is what she wants, providing she can't hurt herself let her vent, shouldn't take too long to stop the behaviour as long as you don't give in........continuity which ever approach you take.

Sarah-Lynn - posted on 02/11/2010

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Talk to her, explain to her why she cant have it. I know she is still young but talking to your child, even at an early age, sometimes really does help. You can also start time-outs. If she starts freaking out and wont stop, lay her in her crib and leave her there for 5 minutes. Maybe after being in a "time-out" will help her learn that she cant have tantrums because she doesnt get what she wants. We went through the same thing with our daughter and we talked to her and eventually had to give her time outs but she is now a really great kid. It's never too early for them to learn.

Good Luck!!!

[deleted account]

Stop giving in to her and just hang in there. If you continue to give in to her, she will continue this behavior. Ignore her and/or try to distract her w/ something that IS acceptable.



I can relate. At 9 months my son screamed hysterically for 20 minutes just cuz I wouldn't let him play w/ my cell phone. Nothing I tried to distract him w/ had any effect until HE decided he was done throwing his fit.

Trina - posted on 02/11/2010

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She is only 10 months old. Don't spank her. She is an infant. She doesn't even know she is alive and she can't manipulate you because that is a learned behavior. Can you get some child development books from the library and see what is age appropriate for an infant of her age? Oh my goodness, it breaks my heart to think anyone would spank their baby.

Robyn - posted on 02/11/2010

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Shelly for what its worth your baby is not a toddler she is only 10months and quite possibly not even walking yet.There is never a reason to spank treat your child respectfully and they will learn respect. Otherwise from what I can see most of the advice given to you has been fair. I can hear that many of your parents are finding it difficult to help with out knowing the developmental stage your 10 month is at. Can she walk, is she still crawling. has she any words yet. Even with no words receptive (understanding) language comes first, so her understanding is there. What is the reasons for the tantrums? Other parents will be able to give better advice if they know the reason Good luck

Kristen - posted on 02/10/2010

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Renee, they do understand the meaning of discipline. if they keep grabbing something and you tell them no over and over. you move them...they keep going back and grabbing it....like the computer printer for example... you spank their hand. my child deffinately understands. just because a child is not talking doesnt mean they do not understand. Toddlers understand the meaning of no. they understand spanking....

Brooke - posted on 02/10/2010

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Check out research from Dr William Sears.
At this age they are moving towards independence, and assertion of will. You need to be firm and CONSISTENT! same thing every time. Don't give in if you've already said No, but try to assess ahead of time whether what you are saying no to is reasonable. for example, if they want a drink and you are too busy at the moment, once you've said no and they throw a fit, don't give it to them to calm them down. deal with the tantrum first, hold her and let her know you love her but be firm. after this is all over, let her know that the proper way to ask for something is with a please, if she's not talking yet (enough to baby talk please at least) teach her sign language for please (rub belly in a circle) then once you've shown her the correct way to ask and she has demonstrated it, reward her with the drink ( or whatever) if the tantrum is about something she cannot have or do, deal with it the same way, but don't give it to her.
It takes a lot of patience and time, but eventually the behavior will go away, likely to reassert itself at age two, but if you are consistent now and begin this method of dealing with tantrums ( ie. not giving in) two is easier by far.
don't spank!

Sherry - posted on 02/10/2010

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dont give in find her a spot were there no distaction or tv sit her there for time out dont say nothing when she gets out dont say nothing take her back put her in that spot no mater how many times u have to do it its one minute per year in there age so give her one minute timout if she does it and stays there when the timer beeps then u exsplain to her why u put her there and then kisses and hugs u must be strong and not give in in order for it to work be repotisus she will quite the fits it really works

Nicole - posted on 02/10/2010

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As the other moms have so eloquently put it--don't give in. Once I discovered my child wasn't in any danger, then I would say in a calm voice "Let me know when you are finished so I can help you." More times than not, my child would stop crying because I'm speaking softly and she can't hear what I'm saying. That then allows me to direct her to use her words and tell me what's wrong so that I can assist her. Hope this helps.

User - posted on 02/10/2010

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Talk to her like a big girl, asking her to use her words (even if she has none). Ask her what is wrong; if she is upset, frustrated, hungry, sad or angry, identifying her emotions will help her when she can actually speak.
Then after you have spoken to her (at eye level with her) and she is still fussing, you have to ignore her and let her deal with herself for awhile. Going back every now and then asking what is wrong...

Nicole - posted on 02/10/2010

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i was thinking maybe moving her away from what ever she is having a tantrum over and being very firm with her i know i do that with my 14 month old and she hardly ever tantrums and if she is being naughty i give her a little tap on the hand i think it scares her more then anything and believe it or not she doesnt touch any of my stuff :)

Sandi - posted on 02/10/2010

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Try to ignore her and act like nothing is happening. If she tries hanging off your leg just look at her and say "oh dear that's not a very nice face you're pulling" then carry on with what you are doing. Either that or distraction. Distraction is great, they have an attention span of 2 seconds then "ooh shiny". lol

My daughter had a tantrum everytime we took the remote control off her. She liked gnawing it and the drool was making it a tad icky. It was becoming a daily occurrence so today hubby came up with the idea of giving her an old DVD player remote with no batteries to distract her with.

Hope that helps!

Taryn - posted on 02/10/2010

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never give in. when she starts to throw a tantrum like that put her in a corner or a designated area that she knows is a naughty area. my son sits in a chair in his room. it has a strap on it so he won't fall and all that good stuff. and until she is done throwing that tantrum don't let her out. if it goes on for more than an hour then go and check on her, offer her something to drink. just water nothing sweet she has to know she is still in trouble. and when she finishes throwing the tantrum pick her up and give her a hug so she knows you still love her.hope this helps hun it worked ofr my son and he just turned one, and he doesn't throw these tantrums anymore. good luck.

Renee - posted on 02/10/2010

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What does she want? Is it because she will not crawl towards it or she wants you to get it for her? How mobile is she? I've never met a truly spoiled baby (a child under 1 year old) BUT I have met plenty of toddlers - age 18 months to 3 years who are always given their way the toy they want etc. just so they do not scream. I'm not sure this is the case, she may just not be mobile enough to get what she wants and it's frustrating her. Why don't you try sitting with her and putting something just out of reach, see her reaction. Maybe she's not mobile because she doesn't need to be? Hmm something to think about.

Jennifer - posted on 02/10/2010

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Don't give in whatever you do! I've had the similar trouble with my now almost 4 year old. It will take many times of keeping your ground and being firm, but if you slip and give in once it will take twice as long to get back to where you were. Good luck.

Kristen - posted on 02/10/2010

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talk to her...like a big girl...tell her she is acting naughty.. or maybe take her to the bathroom and spank her..? hmmm i havent been there quite yet so im not exactly sure. hope i helped a little. good luck :)

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