My daughter is 3 yrs old and has NO relationship with her birth father....

Megan - posted on 02/15/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )




she calls my boyfriend DADDY we have been together since beginning of 09' she just turned one when we got together! Ive tried making her birth father in her live and every time he failed to keep to a schedule! he didn't want to come visit my daughter on Christmas this yr when he was one street away! stayed at her 3rd birthday for 10 min. didn't talk to her or if he was afraid of her! and he only paid 1 full payment of child support and the rest were 25.00 and 75.00 since august 10'... im searching legal advise for a contract because he now just woke up one morning wanting to be a daddy and his mom has money and is getting him a lawyer so i agreed to write up a contract with him. i just in insight on What i can and cant write. things that will be allowed in court if it goes that far! I want his rights if he messes this up again! i want it to be Professional and understanding!

websites will be helpful stories will be helpful... i just need help i want to protect my daughter!!


Amanda - posted on 02/15/2011




i dont have a website but something you could put in the contract could be like. he cant just show up out of the blue without letting you know ahead of time, then set a time limit. like 3 hours before showing up he needs to let you know, he needs to show up to see/ take her to his place for a weekend on time, work on how holidays will work, especially christmas and summer, if he is suppose to take your daughter on the friday and is sick he should let you know asap.

ok i looked up a custody agreement. i found it at

and a parent plan can be found at


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Erica - posted on 02/16/2011




I dont know where you live but look into legal aid. They will provide you free or at little cost to you if you qualify.
Now so advice I can give you ( not a lawyer) is to write down all the contact he has had with your daughter she her birth. Go to the courthouse and get documentation of all child support paid and what is owed. In most states there a major plenties for back child support. ( i.e.- losing DL, jail time, etc.)
Something that would concern me is how much time is he wanting? She doesnt know him and would be probably scared to go alone without you. Gradually ease her into this.....
I know where I live if parents were never married the mother automatically have custody of the child so dont back down.

Hope you find what you are looking for

Laura - posted on 02/15/2011




First of all, the birth father is legally bound to provide child support. If he doesn't or won't, you can contact the authorities. The courts can "pursuade" him if you can't.

The best way to ensure that a contract is legal, fair, and enforceable is to have a lawyer write it. Sometimes lawyers chanrge a flat fee for legal paperwork rather than by the hour, so call around. If finances are an issue, many communitees have organizations that provide free or low-cost legal services. I strongly recommend this as he seems to already have access to an attorney. Your lawyer can help deal with the back child support, too!

Finally, remember that any man can father a child but it takes time, commitment, and love to be a "dad"! Your boyfriend seems to be living up to being a dad and that, in the long run, will have a positive effect on your daughter! Get a lawyer and good luck!

Joleen - posted on 02/15/2011




Edited 25 minutes after written to include much more information...

First off I respect that you and your boyfriend are doing all the work.

My comment is from experience with my daughter and her father, and that of a friend of mine...

Are you worried about your daughters physical and mental safety? Is he abusive towards her verbally or physically? If yes then ignor the begining...

If it is that he only is inconsistent with his plans for visits, and lacking paying for her properly then the first part is relavent...

I would like to point out that taking your daughters birth father out of the picture is going to hurt her self image at some point in her life.

He is a bit of a looser to say the least but everyone makes mistakes, for example you choose to get pregnant with someone who was incapable of being reponsible for their actions enough to provide finacially, emotionally and physically for a child. I can say this as my first was an unplanned pregnancy with a man that sounds similar and yes I choose to have sex with him so I choose to risk having a child with him and sure enough I did. Taking ownership for your own actions helps realize you are in this situation by choice even if it is by blind choice.

Every situation you have with him has an outcome that is half your responsibility. Blaming him for him not showing up is easy and partly true.

Friends Life Experience...

I have a friend who's ex will not show up with the New Boy Friend is around. What does that mean to her well, if she wants her daughter to have a relationship that is consistent with her father she ensures the new BF is not around. If the new BF is around the father usually only stays a few minutes. She has the power to make it comfortable for him or not. So ask the father if there is anything that you can change that is causing him to not show up or pay full child support. From there you can choose if it is worth the battle or if you can help make it happen... It takes two to parent!

It is awsome that you are seeking knowledge but the best kind of knowledge would be the kind that builds team work between you your childs father and ideally your boyfriend too. In the long and the short of it though it is between you and your daughters father your boyfriend is your support and really other than that should stay out of the battle. Just like his mother should stay out of the battle.

My Life Expereince...

My oldest has a looser dad too... He has never paid a cent for her and she is now 11, that is for him to explain to her why he never did make her a priority in his finaces when she is old enough to know until then we manage without obviously.

I had a great relationship with him for a long time where I learned communication with him was more important that what time of day he came. If he showed up out of the blue which was almost always...

IF I was not home or I was on the way out the door too bad for him but if I was home and there was nothing else going on then he was able to visit with OUR daughter.

I never told my daughter when she was going to see him. It was always a suprise then she was never disappointed. He eventually understood that he was not to tell her is plans as he was unable to stay commited to them.

He evenutally fell into the life of drugs after we moved over 5 hours away, I got a job offer and without his help financially I needed to take it. I said he was no longer able to see OUR daughter without myself present as I no longer trusted him with her safety. His mother decided she was going to try and fight his battle for him by paying for his court costs. I chose to say fine but then after you do that I will deny your grandparents rights so we can have two court battles and double the cost to you, or you can stay out of it and let him fight his own battles as that is his problem he needs to grow up and be responsible for himself and right now you are adding to the problem by jumping into the problem. All I want is for him to show he is drug free for 1 year and calls her at least once a week. His mom stayed out of the battle from that point forward.

Good Luck but remember it is not about you and your boyfriend it is about your daughter.

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