My daughter is stealing and lying.

Kristy - posted on 02/02/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




My 13 year old is stealing. She has many medical concerns and she is home schooled. She is stealing from grandparents, stores, and us. Has just came off of sixteen day grounding for lying repeatedly. I talk with her, she goes to counseling, yes, we spoil her and she still is lying and stealing. Feel like I have tried being soft, being hard and strict, overall, always letting her know she is loved even if I don't like what she is doing. Help!


Puliti - posted on 02/02/2013




Sounds like the one thing you need to try is being consistent.

You and your partner should try setting up house rules together. REAL rules that you plan on committing to, making sure are followed and rules that work for your household. You also need to follow suit with the consequences for breaking said rules and make absolutely sure you follow through with everything you say you are going to. My husband and I have a saying when it comes to my step-daughter. "If we aren't consistent, how can we expect her to be?"

Next, you could and probably should stop with the spoiling of her. She doesn't need any of those things, she needs her parents to correct her behavior now before she ends up in a lot of trouble when she gets older. It's very counterproductive to reward her for her behavior. Why would she care to change when she's getting spoiled? It's a privilege for her to be able to be treated that way, not a necessity, so at least make her earn that treatment. That actually poses a question: Why is she stealing? Why and what is she lying about? Have the two of you talked to her about why she chooses to do these things?

After that monitor what she is doing at these stores, etc. She could face serious charges if she continues this. That's very very serious and dangerous. You may feel bad doing all these things, but hey as the parents, it isn't necessarily about being her friend. Perhaps ask for some time to talk to the therapist alone and see if he/she can give you advice. Hope this helps! :)

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