My daughter melts down when I throw anything away...

Kendra - posted on 06/14/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )




My 5 year old daughter hates when I throw anything away. Anything from her old clothes with holes in them to an old dish scrub brush. She melts down and cries so hard she can barely breathe. Sometime she even gets angry and tries to run with it to her room. She is always checking the trash to see what I have thrown out for the day. I am very worried any suggestions would be appreciated!!


Annette - posted on 04/22/2014




I'm 29 years old and still have painful memories of my mom throwing away my things, so moms I would encourage you to not take this lightly. What I've learned over time is that my greatest relational need is for respect, I would suspect some of these kids rate high with a need for respect also. These are innate. It is very disrespectful to just throw away someone's possessions...even if they are a child. I think it's a great idea to explain things to a kid, but also let them be a part of the process. For example if you need to get rid of shoes DO NOT bury them in the trash when they aren't looking. My recommendation would be to explain why we get rid of shoes (outgrow/wear), let your child pick out replacement shoes and donate the old pair to another child via Goodwill. You will be amazed at how much the choices you make with a child can impact their development.

Nicole - posted on 06/14/2010




That sounds familiar. My four year-old boy does the same thing. Sometimes I make him a part of the decision making process. Here's a new clean sponge, and here's the old, dirty sponge. Which one should we use? Do we need so save the old, icky one? Reinforce the things we don't throw away like favorite blankies (they're old too and maybe to a kid they are in danger of being tossed). Kids don't like feeling totally out of control, so just have her have some control (or let her think she does). I hope this helps. I find if I can stay calm and talk him through it, he usually starts to see things my way.

Dana - posted on 06/14/2010




My daughter was the same way. She is now fifteen and got mad when I bought new furniture a few weeks ago. She still hates it, but has just learned to deal with. I don't really have advice as to how to stop i, just thought I would let you know you weren't alone.

Heidi - posted on 06/14/2010




We have experienced this with our 4, nearly 5 year old. Children are so comfortable in surrounding they know, with things they know, many of them don't adapt well to change and upheaval.. I kept all my sons clothes from when he was a baby, and now he is 5 I am just starting to get rid of them now, since my next child was a girl! He was quite upset when I told him.
The thing is, is that kids are smarter than we give them credit for. If you discuss things with your children, they usually become ok with it, you just need to explain that some things 'need' to be thrown out, some things can be recycled, and just talk to her about it....and tell her it's ok to be sad about things she loves going, but she wont be able to have new stuff as she grows up if you don't get rid of the old stuff! I don't think it's just my little boy who understands things, and absorbs what I am saying...
As for the rubbish, maybe take it straight to the outside bin and not allow her near it! And show her why it needs to be thrown out, in comparison to the new dish brush for example, like someone already suggested, give her the comparative.. And just explain why it needs to be thrown away.... Allow your chid to make some of the decisions in their life about toys to give away and throw away, as that way they feel they are helping, and it is easier to let go.
Hope I've made some sense! She will get through it with your love and support... If you get angry and frustrated through these times though, as difficult as it is sometimes, she will want to hold onto them more!


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I would tlk to your dr about this to me it tooks like she might be displaying signs of obsessive compulsive disorder but is more likely just a stage if she is in school talk to her carers there and see if she does the same thing there with them. and take it from there

Amy - posted on 06/14/2010




My son is 4 and this is a huge problem for us as well! We switched rooms around and we placed his toys on the front lawn so they wouldn't be in the way and he had a total anxiety attack. I had to leave the house with him...but we weren't even throwing anything away. I have finally talked him into throwing away one of his toys that is broken but there is no reasoning with him. If worse come to worse you can always go on the show for hoarders, I'm sure we'll be on it someday!!

Lori - posted on 06/14/2010




My son at 5 did the same thing !
Easy fix - dont throw anything away of hers while she is around and when you do make sure its hidden in the bottom of the trash can!!!!

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