My daughter won't let me see my granddaughters whenever she gets mad at me!

Marie - posted on 11/14/2011 ( 24 moms have responded )




I was a really good mom to my daughter, supportive financially and mentally, always spending time with her, but since she turned 19 and found cocaine she has become a very hateful person. She hits me, steals from me and now that she has children (4 months and 4 years, each) and she knows how much I love them, when she is mad she says you will never see your grandchildren again. Last time I did not see my 4 year old for a whole year! She gets pleasure out of being vengeful and I have tried to sit down and talk with her and she just pushes me out of the way and tells me she wishes I was dead. This last time (in Octl.) I took my granddaughter to church with me and we met a friend she is currenlty not speaking to, when I told her about it, she came over enraged that I would talk to this person (who has helped her out over and over and who she now treats like dirt) and when I begged her to sit down and talk to me like an adult, she punched me in the nose and in the face right in front of my granddaughter. I did not call the police but I live across from the police station and since she punched me in the driveway, they saw it all and arrested her. Now she is not speaking to me again and I am forbidden to have contact with my grandchildren. Her fiance says he is trying to get her to let me see them but he is a wuss and I don't believe he is really doing anything except agree with her. I pray for a miracle all the time. Doesn't she see that she is hurting her daughter as well? How would she have felt if I had down that to her as a child?


Tara - posted on 11/14/2011




Honestly, I would look at removing the children from her "care" entirely. A drug and violence problem is now, and will continue to be, a harmful thing to those children. Every second she has her children with her while she is like this is harmful to them - she hits you now, but who is to say if she can't vent on you she won't vent on her children?

I would seriously look at what options you have for getting custody from her to protect your grandchildren.

Jane - posted on 11/14/2011




You might check and see what rights grandparents have in your state. She may have to let you see the children if you go to court. However, that will probably make her even angrier at you.

My concern, though, is if she is so childish as to treat you so badly, is she able to care adequately for her children? If she is using cocaine and being aggressive, are her children safe? Is her fiance safe? I would definitely call the police every time your daughter is violent towards you, and make sure she knows that you will call because such behavior is unacceptable not just to you but to society in general. If you have any evidence that she is violent towards the children you need to report that immediately to Child Protective Services.

Your daughter is immature, addicted, and in desperate need of help, which she will refuse, but she is a legal adult. You may have to step back from her until she hits her lowest point and comes to you for help. For when she does, you can prepare by having names and numbers of rehab places and counselors. However, you cannot force her to do anything before she matures enough to realize she needs help.

Your grandchildren OTOH are NOT adults and they need your protection if they are at risk. Your daughter's attitude sounds as if they might be. As the mature adult involved, you need to be prepared to step in even if it costs you your daughter.

In answer to your question, no, she doesn't see that she is hurting her own daughter. She might be repressing it, or she might simply be so self-focused that she cannot. In any case, the children are the victims and they need protection.

Ez - posted on 11/14/2011




If she has a drug problem and a history of violence I would be seriously questioning whether she is fit to parent these kids. I realise you reporting her to CPS would only further estrange you from her, but it may be in the best interests of the children.

[deleted account]

Ditto the others. If she is on drugs and exhibiting violent behavior... it's time to call in CPS to protect those babies.

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Jane - posted on 03/28/2013




My daughter is on drugs and I'm not sure what to do. I have worked in social services for 25 years and I KNOW that CPS is the last place I will call for help. DSHS does not care about what happens to kids they only care about their jobs and the easiest outcome for them. I use to own a highly funded agency in the state of Washington dealing with children that were severely abused and the state abused them far more than their own parents. That is why I no longer have an agency. It broke my heart on a daily basis. So what do I do with my daughter that has three children and is doing drugs and all that comes with that?

Heather - posted on 11/15/2011




While I am only licensed to practice law in two states & probably not your state. Generally speaking, grandparents don't have rights. You don't really need visitation rights as much as you need to make the decision whether you can/will step up to take care of the children. CPS likely has gotten involved yet because the kids are not in school or she hasn't been arrested. If her drug problem is as serious as you say & she is not getting help to stop, she is a ticking time bomb. As an aside, if the baby was bore addicted to drugs, the state would have stepped in after the hospital birth. Drugs are easy for the court to track. Once the court system gets involved in your life, it's hard to get them out. But only you can determine how bad the situation is & whether the best interest of the children are met by you helping your daughter when you can or getting involved and taking over the raising of your grandchildren.

Shae - posted on 11/15/2011




Good Luck Marie! I hope everything works out for the best, your daughter sounds like she's in a dark place, not a good place for her to drag her kids...

Amanda - posted on 11/15/2011




I agree with posts saying call CPS if she is hitting you and hitting you in front of her kids with no reaction then they are used to that and possibly being abused.

Kyleigh - posted on 11/15/2011




i know some times depending what state grandparents have can file a motion with the courts. how awful she is doing this too you! Hugs*

Mary - posted on 11/15/2011




This only works if your state recognizes grandparents rights...some don't...Texas for instance does not unless your child is deceased.

Nayanda - posted on 11/15/2011




Get custody of those children so your daughter can get help. Cocaine makes you the opposite of who your are and she is showing a side of herself to her children that will only be reflected back years later if she doesn't get the help she needs. Keeping you in prayer.

Krista - posted on 11/15/2011




Time to lawyer up. Go contact a family lawyer, and tell him or her everything. Ask what you need to do. Would you be willing to take full custody of those babies? Because it might come down to that. But if she's using, and is violent, then that is NO place for those children.

[deleted account]

I see my granddaighter most days, her mom would never uise her like this and if my granddaughter does not see me for a couple of days she insists her mom bring her to see me. My heart goes out to you. Sometimes kids need a stick of dynamite up their arse to blast the shit out of them

Marianne - posted on 11/15/2011




I had a slight drug problem a few years back when my eldest 2 were small. The truth is my then partner wasn't nice but would make out he was trying to do the best for me. I never stopped my family from seeing them though and because my problem was speed, not coke I could still see life the way I should of. Coke is evil and from what I've seen of it, makes the user evil because it's all they can think off. Get those babies away from them, trust me....... They will thank you. I hate to imagin what my kids saw and thought was normal. They must be having a very comfusing life right now. Taking them might make your daughter grow up and take control of her life. It took a shock for me to finally do what was right....... I'm just so glad they were young enough to not really remember very much. Good luck love............ But also remember, your daughter can't be having much of a life either....... Drugs and the people around them steel your life in a way people who have never taken them will ever understand xxxxx

Candice - posted on 11/14/2011




If she has a drug problem, and is violent towards you, regardless of who is around, or where you are, what is she doing behind closed doors to your grandchildren. If this has been going on for as long as you say, then I would be calling the police, REGARDLESS of her feelings for you after doing so. Once she cleans up her act, and gets her crap together, she may just thank you for it. But first and foremost should be the safety of the kids, who are NOT in a good situation.

Mindy - posted on 11/14/2011




I would try to get custody of those children they are what's most important and if that makes her even more upset, tough. She needs to grow up and deal with it. That's what being an adult is all about especially when you have kids. The kids need to be where they are safe. Call a lawyer who specializes in that area they usually give you a free consultation. I hope that helps and I feel so bad for you and those children but most of all your daughter. I hope she will be able to find help for her addiction and her anger issues.

Amy - posted on 11/14/2011




She needs help but unfortunately she's the only one who is able to help herself. Addicts don't change until they hit rock bottom the problem is everybodies bottom is different. For some it's death, for others it may be jail, for your daughter it could be when you file to get custody of her kids. Unfortunately you can't make her get help but you can try and help her kids before whatever they are being exposed to has a lifetime effect. You should also look for a support group like al anon for friends and family members of those who have addictions. You can learn how to let go of what you can't control and how to take back your own life, you may also find other grandmothers who have been in the same situation!

Rosamond - posted on 11/14/2011




Maybe you should contact CPS and go for custody of the children, if she has issues with drugs. She could go to rehab and turn around, who knows? But at least the children would not have that around.

Nicole - posted on 11/14/2011




She sounds like an addict, she's sick and needs help. Hopefully the kids aren't in danger but until she gets help, sounds like tough love is in order. Instead of her cutting you off, you need to cut her off...even if it's painful.

Christy - posted on 11/14/2011




I agree with Jane, if you can, see if you can get custody of her kids. She is on drugs, her fiance is probably as well. She's HITTING her MOTHER? More than likly she is hitting her kids.

Barb - posted on 11/14/2011




You have to love her enough to let her hate you if it is her and your grandchildren's best interest. The main way alot of people get help for their addictions is by being arrested and the addiction known in court, the judge can then send them to a treatment facility.

I have a feeling there is more to this story.

[deleted account]

I'm sorry to say that I don't have any advice to offer you, but I do want to let you know that my heart goes out to you and your grandchildren and I hope for all your sakes that this situation will come to an end very soon.

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