My ex has a new gf and my son is not happy about it.

Carla - posted on 01/19/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




My ex-husband (separated by 5 years but not yet divorced) informed me and our 9-year old son on Oct 28'11 that he is seeing someone and informed us last night (Jan 18'12) that they are now engaged! My son is an only child and is used to having his father and I to himself. That said, it seems my son is being forced by his father and his girlfriend to accept and respect the girlfriend immediately and not being given a chance to get to know her. My son has said he no longer wants to go to his father's house because she is always there and he therefore won't get to spend time with him. He has said his father doesn't have time for him anymore. Be this accurate or not, that is how my son feels and his father is too busy calling his "greedy" and "selfish" to really listen to him. My son tells his father how he really feels and what he really thinks, but then ends up saying he is okay with their relationship, including them getting married. He is NOT okay with any of it in reality. I think he just says he is okay with it because he is afraid of losing his father. Does any have any advice on how I can support my little boy without seeming negative about his father's new relationship?


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first of all, regardless of how he feels about the new girlfriend, your son should show her respect because she's another person. should he start calling her mom or whatever if his dad says to? heck no, i don't believe he should. but since she is an elder, he should show her respect anyway. so maybe talk to your son about that.

secondly, maybe talk to your ex about letting your son warm up to her before expecting him to act like everything is hunky dory. he should open up to his son and be a father instead of acting like the boy is being ridiculous because in my opinion, forcing the boy to act like everything is okay when it's obviously not is not good for him and will only damage his relationship with his father. he should be okay with having father-son days where the girlfriend is not involved, so that your son feels like he still has his dad. to call a 9yo selfish and greedy is not very fatherly of him and shows that he is being immature about this since he isn't even thinking about his son's feelings about all of this. i mean, it's okay he's wanting to move on, but just because he's able to move on doesn't mean his son is able to, and adults have had plenty of experience with moving on, kids haven't. he's nine years old, he doesn't understand how his dad could just up and decide to include some new person in his life, someone he doesn't trust.

i hope that helps at least a little. counseling is a good idea too. the main thing here is to try to keep communications open and to keep everyone calm and talking about it.

Kellie - posted on 01/19/2012




Keep the channels of communication open with both you and his father, as much as you might want to do not bad mouth his father in front of him (easier said than I'm sure), validate your son's feelings but gently remind him that it is his fathers right to move on and be happy with another partner.

I'd also get your son into counselling, because no matter how open and honest you are with him and he with you, there are just some things you don't want to discuss with your mum and an impartial outsider would be an excellent tool to utilise.

Hopefully as your son sticks to his guns about his feelings his father will begin to hear him, my guess is he doesn't realise how pushy he really is being (men are pretty useless at times), and in his excitement and desire to include his son with his new partner and have them like each other he has lost sight of what is important.

It IS hard when a parent introduces a partner into the dynamics, but we do eventually adjust.

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