My ex-husband just got remarried and he is trying to have his new wife take over as mom. Help!

Kristie - posted on 08/23/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )




My ex-husband just got remarried and he had his new wife quit her job so she could pick the kids up from school, bring the kids to their activities on his custody days - basically be a stay at home mom. I was a stay at home mom with my kids until my ex decided he wanted a divorce. I now must work. We have 50/50 custody. Now I found out he is putting the new wife's name down on forms as their mother, neglecting to put my name down or putting my name after hers so it looks like I am just another relative. Is this even legal?? The new wife has never had any interest in the children in their 3 years of engagement - i.e. going to their recitals, school functions, ball games. My ex was very controlling in our marriage. I fear my ex-husband is trying to set up a perfect little family with his new wife and our kids and push me out. I am single mom and do not have the funds he has to fight in court. What can I do? I appreciate any advice you can give.


Dove - posted on 08/24/2012




Do you have joint physical AND legal custody? Either way... the stepmother has no legal rights to your kids, so... Take your custody order into the school office and make sure that they are well aware of exactly who you are and that the two of you have JOINT custody... and so the papers can be filled out correctly. The only place the stepmother's name should be is for a possible emergency contact. Where it has parent or legal guardian information.... it should ONLY list you and the father since you are the parents/LEGAL guardians.

[deleted account]

Where i'm from it is for the bio parents to negotiate who looks after the children when they are unable to (ie when he has them or you have them and have to work, who takes care of them). usually this is a new spouse (unless there is a risk to the children ie the spouse is not of good character and has been excluded from caring for the children in court orders) or a relative or daycare - before/after school care. The fact that he has a new wife and she is staying home to do the 'mothering' stuff is fine, that's her new role (a bitter pill to swallow i know, but true none the less). The fact that he's not putting your name on forms is a BIG no no! you are their mother, and should be listed as such, his wife should be listed after you and listed as their STEP mother or father's spouse. If these are school forms i would simply go to the office and ask to see the forms and correct them myself. Let your ex no that listing his wife in your place is inappropriate and that you wont tolerate it. He can not 'push you out' as you have 50/50 custody, so that indicates to me that this is more of an emotional battle for you. I know its hard to deal with the new wife scenario, keep your chin up. you are their mother and nothing will ever change that. one day you will have a new partner and your ex will have to cope with that as well, so let him have his moment, because his is coming! In the meantime, enjoy your time with your kids, be as actively involved in their lives as possible because THAT is what the kids will cherish. ((hugs))

Kristin - posted on 08/23/2012




I am a step mom. we put my name on forms as an emergency contact but when it asks for moms name, we put her name.

what kind of papers is he doing this with?

My husbands ex never even puts down my husbands contact info or anything when it come to forms, just his name and that's it such makes it hard for us when it comes to coaches and sporting events cause we never know what going on with scheduled or change of plans because. they contact her and not us.

maybe he puts.her name down as a parent because she is the step mom and they represent that side of the chills family.

talk to your ex. I'm sure he is not trying to squeeze you out.

Chaya - posted on 08/23/2012




Tell the school what is going on, and contact a lawyer, my ex tried that, he was trying to get my daugher away from me,it wasn't about custody, he didn't shw up for the custody hearing, but decided he wanted custody anyways. He put his girlfriend on the list of people who can take her out of school, INot okay) and told the school he had sole custody, the school already knew otherwise. He wasn't allowed visitation for over a year excet in a neutral location, supervised, itwasn't fun, so he mellowed out.

Additionally, try writing him a letter stating that his behaviour is inappropriate, his wife does not have custody. List what is okay, and what isn't. Mention his putting his current wife down as mother as not okay, and deceptive, then send copies to dad and your lawyer. Contact ACLU if nothing else.You may also wish to mention that a copy is going to your lawyer. She is not mom she has no legal rights as mom

Anna - posted on 08/23/2012




I understand your fears, but rest assured - he will have an extremely hard to to push you out. You have rights as the mother, and depending on what your decree and parenting plan looks like, he actually needs to needs to include you on forms (school, medical etc), although with many of the forms it's a mess to try to represent it right, even with the right intentions. Since they are now married, she technically counts as another "parent", but there really is no reason for them not to state step-mom instead of mom. That clarity really helps in many cases, since whoever the form is for will likely interact with both sides of the family. But omitting you is *not* ok (look back at your parenting plan here!), and you should talk this over with your ex sooner rather than later. Sounds like a sit-down (without the new wife) would be needed...

And remember, you will always be "mommy" to your kids - that won't ever change no matter the working mom/SAHM arrangements in their current life!

Will send prayers your way for a good conversation with your ex!

This conversation has been closed to further comments


View replies by

Jessica - posted on 08/24/2012




myself is divorced and have shared jointed custody and my ex cannot use his new wife as mother and if he did, I will take him to court directly whether he likes it or not, it will cost him money and mine too whether we have funds or not, make sure fuss ate being reasoned and if possibly split court fees etc and see if plan can be arranged. I will never let him

get away with it, be sure it's followed through legally!!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms