My friend had a miscarriage

Stacy - posted on 03/28/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




My friend and I were both pregnant at the same time. She miscarried the baby a few weeks ago. I am now 11 weeks pregnant and I feel awful about being pregnant. She isn't talking to me; my husband told me to give her some space. I have been, but I feel like I have lost my friend. What do I do?


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[deleted account]

Sarah is right on. When I lost my first all of my sisters were pregnant as well. We were all due a month apart from each other. I'll be honest I was a bit pissed that I lost mine and they were still pregnant (completely irrational, but grief is). I still look at my niece and nephews and think about the one I lost. It took me about 2 months before I could be around my sisters. By the time the first child was born I was feeling a bit more healed and was able to celebrate with her. As my due date drew near I was pregnant again and about to loose my second (we were able to save her), I once again had to back away from people for a while. It just hurt too much.

Wait a few weeks than approach her about something completely unrelated to babies. Talk about a movie you saw, the latest sports team, anything that gets the conversation started without making her dwell on the fact she doesn't have her baby anymore. Often times a phone call is easier to start, since she wont see your pregnant belly.

Sarah - posted on 03/29/2012




My twin sister and I both got pregnant unexpectedly our due dates were just days apart. She miscarried at 9 weeks. I understand exactly what you're going through. I struggled with those guilt feelings. I wanted to be able to share my excitement over my pregnancy with her, but knew I couldn't. It was so difficult as I grew because I wasn't sure if I should share pictures with her or express my happiness, or complain about my severe morning sickness because I didn't want to remind her of how big she would be or what she was missing. Especially since she is my twin, I didn't want her to see pictures of me and think that that's what she would look like. I also grieved her pregnancy. I was looking forward to being able to share our experience with it together. I gave her her space and allowed her time to heal. We still talked often, but just not about pregnancy or my baby. If she asked, I'd answer (and she eventually did start asking). We talked about her baby (she had a dream that he was a boy named Gabriel) when she brought him up. When my daughter was born she asked if I would name her middle name after her unborn angel, but I couldn't. It wasn't that I didn't want to honor my lost niece or nephew, but I knew that for the rest of my child's life that she would look at her and know that's the milestones her child would be reaching. I think there will probably always be that in the back of her mind. Please remember your friend is grieving right now. Seeing you will be a reminder to her of what she lost. This has nothing to do with you at all, it's just a way for her to protect herself. Be there for her when she's ready. Try to reach out once a week or so, even if it's just a message on her answering machine to tell her you're thinking of her. When she's ready, she'll come around.

Leverne - posted on 03/28/2012




Your husband is right give her some space, I miscarried many years ago and sometimes you feel you did something wrong that caused the miscarriage, so hang in there she will come around as soon as the pain has time to heal.

[deleted account]

She just needs time. A miscarriage is a tough thing to deal with and I'm sure it's probably painful for her see or talk with you because you guys probably had "pregnancy plans" and things you were gonna share together and experience together. Be paitient with her. It took me a LONG time to get over my first miscarriage and even about a year after, every time I'd see a pregnant girl, especially if it was someone I knew, I'd almost cry.

I think your husband is right. Give her some space and hopefully she'll come around.

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