My husband does not stand up for me with his family. Does that mean he does not love me?

Subo - posted on 10/23/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )





we've been married for 10 years and now w e had a baby boy who is 8 mnts now. I live among my husband's relatives. My son is the first boy to carry the family name so they were all so excited. I am a very fair person and I do have good relationship with all of them. But I am noticing that my in-laws are kind of claiming my son saying he looks like them and totally ignoring me. The truth is, He is now more like me (that's what outsiders say) And he is. I dont have any problem if my son looks like them, but since I am living among them, whenever we gettogether they brag about themselves and their side. I am kind of pissed off husband does not stand up for me either..AND my sister-in-law is kind of getting sooo she said that my son has her thighs..I am not opening my mouth in the midst of them because I believe that " He who keepeth his mouth, will keep his soul" But inside of me is mom and Dad is with me and now my son is starting to look like my Dad..And yes my husband's side know that too so why cant they admit it. No matter what I love my son, but now not sure about my hubby..He says that whatever his family does to me is not his problem. So I told him, you dont want to hurt your family but you could sit and watch your family hurting my right? I am now tired of this..I dont wont to seperate, that's for sure..but how can I solve this? Thank God my parents are with me now, but they are not someone who argue, so they also keep quiet. I've done all my part to be fair to bothsides, but they all treat me like junk..Need advice. For eg: my SIL said yesterday (when I went to my husband's aunt's birthday with my Son and with my mom, my husband did not come, but I went anyways to represent him because my husband was busy) so my SIL said that my husband's aunt should baby sit my son at church (normally my mom babysit him at church because I do some ministries at church). My mom was there too, and definitely it would hurt her..I cant take these abuse anymore..need some advice


Holly - posted on 10/23/2012




I don't think that him saying that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. but that he feels he needs to be loyal to his family. but what he needs to realize that first and foremost he needs to be loyal to you.

but i honestly think that you are over reacting about them saying the baby looks like them, who cares. but to tell you the truth all the genes in the world will make the baby have SOME traits of EVERYONE in the family... I see my stepdaughter, and she looks JUST like her daddy, but when she does CERTAIN things, she looks JUST like her mom(which i can't stand). so perhaps it is a certain face that the baby makes that reminds them of someone in the family, and perhaps when he makes another face, he looks just like you... either way, the baby should be loved, by everyone, and then TRULY the baby will be blessed. you should feel thankful that there is so many people that love the child, instead of seeing them pick out things that look like them and being upset about it.


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Subo - posted on 10/23/2012




Thanks Lacye! I think I have to stop visiting my husband's family for some time. I just cant stand some of them. I am a person always talk about and care about both sides. But they are not..As you said I may be overreacting, but definitely some of them are really annoying. As for my hubby, I am going to tell him what you mentioned. Good to know that I am not alone.

Lacye - posted on 10/23/2012




I think you are overreacting a little bit. My in laws say all the time that my daughter looks just like their side of the family and my family says that my daughter looks just like our side of the family. I just look at them and tell them, "She looks like herself to me." That is something that just really doesn't matter. To different people she is going to look different. Especially at the age your son is at now. As for your SIL suggesting the aunt to watch your son, she seems to be just trying to help. Just let it be known that your mom watches him. Or your could consider alternating between the aunt and your mom. Just don't pay attention to what they are saying. They are going to talk no matter what.

The only part you aren't overreacting about is where your husband said that what his family does to you is not his problem. Ummmmm........ actually it is because he married you. He chose you to be his partner in life and he needs to keep that in mind. If the situation was reversed, he would expect you to defend him in some way. Be sure to remind him of that.

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