My husband is being selfish or am I?

Stacy - posted on 09/12/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )




My DD is 6 1/2 months old an is still waking up 1 to 2 times per night for a feed. I breastfeed, but give her a bottle of expressed milk during the night. My DH and I have been going through an ongoing struggle over her night feeds since she was a newborn and I don't know what to do anymore. DH has been getting up to do the night feeds a few nights a week so that I can get a little more sleep. We both work full-time. However, the day after he has gotten up for a night feed he will complain all night about how tired he is from getting up for the night feed, how DD should be sleeping through the night by now, how he is going to get sick due to sleep deprivation, etc. I am so frustrated! I have tried talking with him several times and have reminded him that DD is a BABY and is doing what she should be doing by making sure she is getting enough to eat, comfort, sleep, etc. I have also talked with him about how I feel that his needs are more important than my needs when it comes to sleep, life with baby, etc. He says he is sorry that I feel that way, but continues to complain anytime I ask him to help with a night feed. What should I do? Am I being selfish? Do DH and I just need to grow up and both get over it?


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Dove - posted on 09/14/2012




Different things work for different families. After my first was about 3 months old I never intentionally woke my dh to help with a night feed (I was a 'zombie' in the beginning that first time and literally could not function without the help). I was only breastfeeding, so there was no need. I know another family (also a breastfeeding family) and BOTH parents tend to deal with a lot of the night time issues together. Granted, they have 3 little ones now, but it was that way even when there was only one kid... and the mom is a SAHM and the dad works, but he feels that it is his job just as much as it is hers.

If you both work full time and the baby takes a bottle at night... I feel that you should definitely take turns with night feeds, but you both need to talk together and figure out what will work best for YOUR family. She's 6.5 months old... night wakings are normal.

Mw - posted on 09/14/2012




he sounds selfish. why not just set a balanced schedule? alternate nights, or if he complains that he cannot work because of it, then you can 'double up' during the week but have him take care of feeds through the weekend.

then again, 6.5 months sounds like a good time to start sleep training. . .

Ella - posted on 09/14/2012




Denikkatheres no need t be like that the poor woman just having a rant lol and Stacey yes I do think ur hubby is being selfish,tell him t man up n get on with it....that's wot us mums do!!!!! :-)

Sherri - posted on 09/12/2012




THIS - Do DH and I just need to grow up and both get over it?

In my house I have 4 children. NEVER not even once has my husband EVER gotten up to feed one of our children at night. So now who has it so bad? Oh and I also have a 6mo old, that is teething right now. So I still have to get up at the crack of dawn to get all the other kids up and ready for school, then get ready for work myself and then be home for the kids when they get home, do homework, get them to all their activities, make dinner and then get them ready for bed.

My husband has a terrible work schedule he has to be up at 3:30am and doesn't get home till 6:30-7pm at night.

Denikka - posted on 09/12/2012




Guys are whiners :P

I'm sure you know what it's like when your man has a cold and acts like he's at deaths door...and yet as a mom, you can have the flu AND a broken arm and you'll just keep plugging on cause you gotta do what you gotta do.

Guys don't handle discomfort well. Being tired or sick tends to send them into man-baby mode.

I know mine, if he gets 6 hours of sleep instead of his usual 7 or 8, he's practically non functional. He whines, he's miserable, and he falls asleep on the couch when he gets home. I have frequently gone 2-3 weeks at a time with less than 4 hours of sleep each night and I still have to get up with kids, cook, clean, etc. So I feel your pain.

I realize this doesn't help you much in the practical side of things. Just know that this is not unusual in any way.

Maybe sit him down and keep talking to him. Let him know how it makes you feel when he complains. Maybe tell him that he has every right to complain when he's tired, or sore, or miserable or whatever, but you're going through the same thing and you don't want to hear it from him.

I really don't have any answers. If you find a way to prevent men from acting like babies when they are less than comfortable, market it!! You'll make a fortune XD

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