My husband yelled at me in public in front of my kids

Mom - posted on 08/10/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




Ever since my husband and I dated, I knew he was the controlling type. I used to have many friends and my life was balanced. Since we were dating everything changed. He didn't like my friends, and he didn't like me going out without him. In fact, he didn't like me going out at all. So I didn't. I thought to myself. He's a good man and we both need to sacrifice something to make our future work. We got married and we had two kids in the same year. During the past 3 years, we lived with my inlaws which turned out horrible. We didnt get a long and they were so annoying I didn't even want to be in the same room with them. I was in my room with my two kids all day. I brought the kids out to parks and just outside the house everyday for some fresh air and so that the growing kids got some sun and outside play time. Other than that, we were in our room. During this time, my husband felt neglected bc weren't having enough sex. Our relationship got to a point where he felt neglected, and got mad at me for turning him down when he requested. I felt like all he wanted was just to satisfy himself. He didn't care how I felt or how miserably I was. He always said that I got the easy job being at home with the kids. That made me furious. He has issues, trusting issues and he is insecure. I'm honestly really really tired. His EQ is so low and mine is so high. I tolerated him right from the start bc I do realize that he is a good man. But now he is being so disrespectful. Today he yelled at me in chuckee cheese in public and told me to shut up in front of my kids. I want to leave him and be myself again. But I'm scared I won't be able to support my kids. I work 3 part time jobs now and they both go to montessori school. If I divorce him, they will lose all of this. Is anyone going through the same thing? What should I do? My kids are still so young 4 and 3. I can't stand my husband anymore. Enough is enough.


Jodi - posted on 08/10/2013




Your story sounds a lot like mine when I was with my ex. Except the day he yelled and swore at me in public in the middle of the shopping centre (so everyone looked) he forgot I had the car keys and that the shops were 20 minutes drive from home. I packed up our son and I drove home without him.

However, I will say, the marriage didn't last. He never understood that when he treated me like that (which became more and more frequent at home) I didn't feel like any level of intimacy, which made him mad, and he eventually resorted to rape because he believed it was his "right" as a husband for me to have sex with him. I remember being scared too, and not knowing if I could cope on my own with a young child (he was 2 at the time).

The Montessori school is not worth the abuse. He will not get better. You will live your life in misery, and even your children can't possibly be happy in that environment. If you honestly can't stand your husband, and it has gone that far, then the right thing to do is to consider your options. You could just leave, or you "could" try counselling. However, be prepared for him to reject the idea. When I reached the point that you are no at, counselling was my ultimatum. We either go to counselling to see if we can make this work, or I walk away. He refused to go to counselling because he honestly couldn't see anything wrong with our marriage (I can't tell you how often I told him that BOTH people have to be happy, not just one, and the fact that I was not happy was not enough for him to see a problem).


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Ev - posted on 08/10/2013




Is Montessori tuition worth the trouble to stay with your husband if he is so controlling or is the safety and sanity of yourself and the kids more important? THey can get a lot of good out of other preschools that are not so expensive. You have to think of them and you. Is it worth your husband suddenly hitting you in front of them? If you are working 3 jobs right now why not try to make one of them full time if its possible? I know its scary to be in this situation but you had the choice not to marry him before all this. I am being blunt here not trying to be mean. What is it worth to you for some peace after all this? Is loosing out on Montessori so bad? Think about it in this context because if you do stay; something worse might happen.

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