my kids father signing over his rights.

Mommyashlie2012 - posted on 11/08/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




my kids father lives inlouisiana and me and our kids live in ohio, I want him to sign his rights over since he dont help out to begining with, how do I get ahold of the papers he needs to sign?


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Samara - posted on 11/10/2013




I can tell you from experience, by law, there is no such thing. I have 2 kids, many years apart from one another & neither of their fathers have anything to do with them. When I was pregnant with my 1st, his father was clear that he couldn't handle the responsibility of a having a child at that time in his life. I, however, didn't have any kids & didn't believe an abortion was the right option for me so we talked about it right away. I basically understood his position & he understood mine so we agreed that I would have the child because that was my right & decision to do so and I made it clear from day one that children need to grow up with a clear understanding of their reality and so should he change his mind before the baby was born or shortly after that would be fine BUT I also told him that he would need to make his own commitment to be a full-time father and that I wouldn't allow my child to go through a life-time of disappointments from a father who only came around every now & then or makes promises to see him or do things with him that he won't keep. I got lucky in some ways that for 10 yrs he has respected that. On another note, I felt like I had made the decision to have my child (he did not) and so I felt like it was more my responsibility to care for him in every way (because I brought him into this world & he only knows me to be the person he relies on) and so I have never & will never take his father for child support. Most women will not agree but based on the way we chose to handle our situation I feel like why should I make him responsible for a child I chose to have especially because he was forthright about his feelings from day one. As time went on it was a pain to do certain things- get loans for education, get a passport to travel abroad, etc and I had trouble tracking his father down to get papers signed so, with his blessing, I looked into having him sign his rights over. Basically what I found was that it's nearly an impossible situation. The courts feels there is never a good enough reason for a parent to sign over their parental rights completely. The only way they seem to consider it is in situations where the child would be adopted by a step-parent. I believe that in some ways they do this to keep the accountability of both parents so that the financial burdens don't fall to the government to handle when the child has a parent out there that they feel should be responsible before they are. For example, with government assistance programs, health care, etc. they first want to see that both parents are contributing to those costs of the child's needs before they have to which is why if the child were to be adopted by a step-parent they at least have another person who is taking on some of that responsibility first before they have to. It sucks. It's even more scary because I also realized that should I die I can't be guaranteed that my child would be placed with my family (people he has grown up with & knows) because no matter what I write in a will because biological parents more or less get 1st dibs on the child regardless of whether or not they have been in their life. The system sucks when it comes to family law. As a mother, you never have the real right to chose what's best for your child. So if you, like so many of us including myself have done, made a bad decision on sleeping with a man who turns out to be a crappy father, the law protects his right to the child, regardless of how damaging or disruptive that alone can be to the child.
My advice is to let it go for now. The longer he remains out of their life the worst off he looks should you ever need to go to court to fight for custody. But prepare yourself for the disappointment if you do have to go. The courts value ANY contact with the father no matter how crappy he is- child sex-offenders don't even lose custody of their kids, they just get supervised visits. They will order you to share time with their father no matter the distance. It s unfortunately not fair so be very careful- start a journal about everything- visits, calls, money, broken promises, etc because that may be something you will need one day. It takes many years for the courts to consider abandonment not just 2 or 3 and even then they just might award you sole custody.. rarely will they allow for his rights to be signed over.
This was my experience, even with a man ready, willing & wanting to sign his rights over. With my 2nd child, his father beat me in my stomach when I was pregnant & he had the nerve to take me for custody 2 days after delivery because he wanted to raise my baby with his new girlfriend (crazy right?). He never followed through with the courts orders for mediation, never came to court dates or even tried to see his child throughout that custody trial and thats why I got custody but I still have to allow him visitation should he ever call & I will have to let my child spend weekends with him if he decides to come back and even though he has never sent me a dime of the court-ordered child support they don't allow you to keep your child from the father for that. Instead they could actually change the order & award him full custody claiming that you are trying to alienate him from the child. It really is a messed up system. I don't claim to know everything but I've spent over $20,000 in the system between my kids over custody issues, etc. so if someone knows something different I'd also love to hear it.
For as long as you can look at your life with your children as a blessing, don't talk down about their father- just don't talk at all about him, and do your best to get through the good & bad times together. In the end, feel good about the fact that you are this great mother to your kids and be proud of yourself for being strong and being the one who can give them the love they need. That alone makes you a better & stronger person than their father and they are lucky to have you as an example of what to be when one day they find people in their lives not doing their part. Your life will be blessed (even if it's hard) because you get to have these 2 little people in your life that will love you no matter what. You can be wrong, you can be right, you can get fat, you can be a mess- not matter what- your kids will always love you & see you as the most beautiful & most important woman in their lives- no man will love that honestly & purely and their father surely will never have that same opportunity for love like that in his life. Let you & your kids bond be your happiness & your strength and remember-You're blessed. Good luck to you!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/08/2013




Talk to an attorney.

I do not advocate keeping kids from their fathers, unless dad is a danger to them, but if you really want to do that, talk to an attorney. I'm fairly certain there will be more to it than you going in and saying that you want to terminate his rights. That's not really your choice to make.

What are you going to do if he refuses to sign paperwork? He can, you know, and then you'll be back to square one.

I'd recommend that you try to get some support orders in place first, and see how that works out.

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