My kids love their dad, but what should I do?

Danielle - posted on 10/16/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am a 26 year old mother with 2 young boys (4 & 7) most of their lives I have been the only parent around. Until I became very ill and almost lost my life due to cervical cancer. About 2 1/2 years ago my children's father became a constant in their lives. I couldn't have been happier he moved in with us to help me out with the boys and other household chores, however he didn't have a job so I supported him and the boys. Finally I got him a job but then I began to notice that he was using his job as an excuse not to spend time with the boys. Jordan (my oldest) asked me why daddy was always working and didn't do anything with him, I tried my best to explain that daddy was still learning how to be a father to him and his brother. Their father then began to loose interest in his job and 4 months ago lost it, while I work 2 jobs he sits at home with the boys. (This may not make sense to some but here goes anyways) I let him continue to live with me and the boys, we are not together nor have we been for 4 years but with him living here I know that he will continue to be part of their lives. I got him a part time job working with me (different days) but noticed that even on days he is off work I still have to worry about someone watching the boys, I know he is lazy and doesn't spend much time with them, however, I fear that if I were to put my foot down he would walk out of their lives once again. Even though he isn't always here for them he is their dad and they love him. I am so confused on what I am supposed to do anymore and I am reaching out for some advice...what should I do? How should I handle this situation? I have sat down and talked to him and explained what needs to change but with nothing changing, I am afraid of my children not having their dad in their life, I grew up with a dad who was NEVER around and I know how that felt, I promised myself that my kids would not have to suffer like I did (my mother was the reason my dad wasn't around) but at the same time he is making my life more stressful and I know the kids pick up on that, but if I tell him to go then I am doing what I said I would never do to my kids....


Michelle - posted on 10/17/2014




Sorry but you need to kick him out.
It's healthy for all of you to be living in that situation. The boys have their hopes up that their "family" will stay together while you and your ex can't move on. If you aren't together then don't live together.
Tell him that it's his choice if he still wants to be a part of the boys lives. I would also suggest going to court and getting visitation and support put in place. You can do everything to get him to be there for your boys but if he doesn't want to be then he won't.

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