My son and his girlfriend

Vicki - posted on 08/18/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )




My son is 23, he is involved with a girlfriend they have a baby boy together. Everything was good at 1st. Then a few months later happened. My husband and I have always tried to take care of both sets of our children from previous marriages. We made a mistake by letting them both move in to our home. (Three times) It turned into a bad situation. We have tried to help them as much as possible, mentally, financially, anyway that we could, we were always there. I understand that this was her first time being away from her mother as well as the rest of her family. I tried to be understanding of her situation. We bought them a car for when the baby's arrival time was near, so they could get back and forth to the doctor. She would refuse to drive. She was the one who stated that they really needed it because my son drove her car back and forth to work. It all started rolling down hill after that because I couldn't always take her every where she wanted to go. She began to walk by me in our home not speaking with me, so I tried by saying Good Morning to her, sometimes she would reply, but sometimes she would act as if I were not even in the room. It really confused me. Not to mention that things were said about me that was truly uncalled for to other members of the the relatives on my husbands side. Either way, with that being said, we decided to remodel our home. We started upstairs 1st because we wanted to make it better suited for a new baby, my husband even bought new baby furniture for his nursery, as well as redoing the full bathroom upstairs. Even though there were frustrations of the remodeling, meaning that she either was complaining to others that it wasn't getting finished fast enough, she began to complain about the workers being there, and waking her up. I personally just thought it was hormones due to pregnancy. Didn't think much more of it. Anyway, later relatives would ask me if everything was ok... I just replied as far as I know it is! They would share information in regards to what she was starting. It was really embarrassing to hear all of the things that were going on, and I didn't even have a clue. I then (after the baby was born. ) called for a family meeting in the living room. I confronted her as well as my son about any issues they might want to talk to me and my husband about... I didn't even let them know that I knew what was being said, but I did ask why was there so much tension in the air. She told me she thought I was too tough on my son, and that I was only making things worse by doing this. It was also stated that it was NONE OF MY F****** BUSINESS ABOUT MY SON'S LIFE NOR HERS. With that being said, I replied, that if they were not going to be respectful of the way we ran our home, they needed to find somewhere else to go. Of course they left with the grand son that evening during a snow event. That was last year, she and I have spoken to each other since off and on, but things were no longer the same between us. Yesterday, I was on Facebook, (mind you that there were other events and spats that have gone off and during th I should time) I found out about the grandson had a 105 degree temperature, and was getting lifted from the hospital to a children's Hospital. I did ask her mother wasn't I contacted about this?! She ( sons girlfriend) told me I was disrespectful to her mother. I replied that I was really hurt that nobody tried to call me. She replied that she was too busy, and that she was a D**** good mother as well as a d****
Good partner to my son. I replied, that I never said she wasn't. This was not about her, but the baby. I also replied the phrase True Colors. She came back to me asked me why I said that, I replied " I feel left out, I am also his grandmother, I care about him" if you lived here, your mom would have been called, I really expected the same treatment. Since then, (yesterday) I have been blocked from her page as well as her mom's page. All of this time, I never thought I would go through this process.


Sue - posted on 08/19/2016




I am so sorry to hear of what is going on with your son and his family. You and your husband went way beyond to try to help them and they obviously didn’t appreciate it! It is so hard for us to help our grown children! I know that as well, that there are just boundaries that need to be given and respected . We all have expectations of how a family works together…and sometimes we are just on different pages!
Even when they live on their own it is surprising to me how we all don’t have the same considerations for each other!
One of our DIL’s is a bit controlling with the grandkids too…We respect her wishes in how she wants to handle situations. We always have called ahead and asked when we can visit or facetime with the kids. It seems to be somewhat better now that she knows we are trying to be the grandparents and not parent them. We are all new at changing families as they grow up and become their own! I know it hurts and you want to be involved too. I will pray that she will open her heart to you!
Perhaps this article and list of resources will help you.

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