My son at age 22 is diagnosed with Asbergers

Bill - posted on 11/04/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am educating myself about this disorder, however, can't seem to get past the mindset that he is just lazy, and just taking advantage of his mother and myself. He is back at home after dropping out of university after 3 years. Everything he does, or doesn't do drives me nuts. I often entertain the idea of moving out and leaving my wife to guide him as she appears to have more patience for his character. We lay down rules to live in our house and he just ignores them. It seems.
So here I am at 3:45 am with my head spinning....once again. Found this site and need to vent as my as wife just seems to "take" it....making me nuts!


Raye - posted on 11/04/2015




The advice I give when any adult child is living at home is that there needs to be a tenant agreement with the child. They are an adult, so should be seen in a different light than a young kid, but there should be mutual respect. He should respect you, his mother, and the property as a tenant, keeping common areas clean, not disrupting daily lives, etc. And you should respect his privacy and some other freedoms that come with being an adult. If you have appropriate house rules and he breaks them, then there are real-world consequences for those actions and he should find a new place to live. If it's gotten to the point that you are thinking of leaving your wife, then it's gotten way out of control.

As far as the Asbergers, many parents (maybe your wife) believe this gives the child an excuse for bad behavior. It most certainly does NOT. It may be a reason, a place where some of his tendencies come from, but the person is still accountable for their actions, and can learn how to treat others with respect. Your wife needs to understand that she's not doing her son any favors by allowing him to be disrespectful. He will have a much harder time in life if he doesn't learn responsibility. And sometimes people need to learn the hard way... by it being forced upon them (aka being kicked out).

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