My son has been using drugs for more than 5 years, under our roof

Julia - posted on 05/11/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




My son has been using drugs for more than 5 years, under our roof while we are in the next room. We saw the warning signs many years ago and trusted and believed in him that he was being honest with us. We bailed him out of every debt he incurred, we gave him money for friends birthday presents, spending money to go out and enjoy friends company. Lies, Lies Lies! We were giving him money to support his drug habit. The most frustrating part of this is that our voices are silenced by this f'd up system that just simply does not work. As parents you have to shut up and do nothing. This is bullshit, if we had more rights to get help for our loved ones we wouldn't be having such a problem in our society with drugs. The users and abusers have more rights than the abused and the ones suffering in silence.


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Jodi - posted on 05/12/2015




I'm going to start with this issue of the enabling. Unfortunately, you did enable his drug habit. Why are you "bailing him out" of debts? Why are you giving him money? If he was old enough to use drugs, then he has ALWAYS been old enough to get a job and pay his own debts, pay to enjoy his friend's company. If he wasn't old enough to get a job. You haven't mentioned how old your son is, but I would have to guess he is an adult if he has had this habit for 5 years. You really can't force him to get help - he is an adult who can make his own choices. You don't have to suffer in silence. You can be quite vocal about the fact that it is time for him to now stand on his own two feet. He needs to comply with your house rules or find somewhere else to live. Part of your house rules could include that you will not have drugs in the house and you expect him to get help for his addiction. If he won't live by your rules in your home, then it's time for him to get a taste of the real world - a world where your parents don't bail you out of every bad choice you make.

Michelle - posted on 05/11/2015




For starters, he needs to want help. If he doesn't want to get clean then there's nothing you can do.
Secondly, you need to stop enabling him. DON'T give him money and if he won't stop doing drugs in your house then you might have to think about kicking him out. Any adult child living at home has to live by the house rules and if he won't then he needs to leave.
Looks like it's time for some tough love.

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