My son has sticky fingers

Ray - posted on 05/27/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




He's 15 now but serious things were noticed back when he was 13. It started out where he was stealing cans of pop from me, and even though I would tell him not to do it, he would continue. I explained to him that he is going to have to replace them. So of course it continued to happen, and what ended up happening is he didn't have the money to replace the now 8 cans that were missing, so I gave him the money to buy one can of pop and sent him across the street, and told him he must bring back a receipt or I wont accept it. So I hand him $0.42 and sent him across the street. I locked the front door so that he must knock, and when I opened the door he was just expecting to come in, rather I blocked him and said hold up, you stole 8 from me, here is $0.42 go get another. He paused and asked why I wouldn't just give him all the money at once and I explained because he didn't steal them all at once.

It wasn't soon after that the school calls me to come pick him up, he has been found to be in possesion of weed and eventually charged with a felony. No sooner then I'm driving him all around to try to get this abolished from his record, and he goes and does it again, only this time he got ahold of prescription meds and was crushing them and snorting them so not only was he charged with a felony again but also being under the influence. I stopped trying to help clear him at that point. He gets checked after periodically for drugs and is always clean. He also attends counseling as well.

Months later I start a new medication called Adderol. It's speed, and helps people with the symptoms of ADHD. I'm able to have a nice period where no meds are stolen and feel that we are over this hump. I make the horrible mistake of trusting my son, in that he wont help himself to my meds. I end up having a good talk with him about this new medication I'm taking and how he needs to get himself back into counseling so that he can get the same medication, since he exibits the same signs I did before I had it as well. One week later, I'm missing 20 pills, and come to find out that they have a street value up to $50 per pill.

I should have reported him to the police but realized that they would probably claim it was just as much if not more my fault for leaving them out, so I didn't. I now regret that decision.

Months later I come home to make something to eat, and an entire bag of cheese is just gone. So I asked my son and he claims that his friend needed some cheese, so he took it to them. I had this long talk with him that we don't feed our neighbors, and to never do this again. One day, I checked his backpack and found a box of cake and a can of frosting and a box of brownies, that I just bought from the store.

Three days ago, I come home, and go to plug my cell into its charger, and the charger is missing. I ask my son if he has something to do with this, and he explained that one of his friends has the same phone and needed the charger. He also explains that he gave me an identical charger months ago but didn't know where it was. This is true but we still had to have the talk about him taking my stuff again.

I also noticed that three of my SD cards have been missing off my computer table for some time, and they are no where to be found. Of course he denys taking them. It wouldn't bother me so much except that I had content on them that is not replaceable. Like music that I write and obscure artists, or remixes of songs. This was the last straw, I have had enough.

I realized that he has been sporting this Toshiba thrive tablet for about three months and claims that he is just borrowing it. I went into his room and confiscated the charger and told him that he wont be seeing it until he comes up with $21.00 to replace the SD cards missing. So last night there is this knock at my door, and I knew exactly what it was for. I answer the door and here is this female teenager claiming to be the owner of the tablet, telling me that I can't sell the charger because its hers. I explained to her how sorry I am that she got dragged into this mess, but I also realizsed that my son has been sporting electronics and food to his friends to basically buy their friendship. I refused to give the charger back, and told her that she basically made a horrible mistake and loant it to the wrong person. She tells me that I shouldn't take my problems out on my son just because I'm a bad parent. This is the second time I have heard from another in this building that I'm a bad parent. They must be right, for christ sake he has two felonies on his record. At the same time I was the one funding their friendship. I told her she is welcome to call the police but possession is 9/10ths of the law so good luck on that and I closed the door.


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Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/27/2013




I agree with the boot camp idea. It seems your son is having troubles with his self esteem. He feels he isn't worthy of friendship so he has to buy their friendships, or he has to be the " cool" kid with the drugs in order for him to be liked. I wouldn't bail him out ever again. I know that's easier said then done bc no one wants to see their kids suffer, but he will never learn if momma always bails him out. Did your son steal the tablet from the girl or simply borrow it? If it really was her properly then I would suggest giving it back bc your sons behavior isnt her responsibility. You can take something that actually belongs to your son until he pays you back for the sd cards. None of us are perfect parents , and your son sounds like a handful but your still trying. I would also let your son know you still love him. I really think he feels pretty bad about himself. Let him know you will not enable this behavior but you will always love him. My husband was a holy terror as a teenager much like your son. He snuck out , smoked pot and drank, skipped school, stole his parents cars, and got kicked out of a private school for selling weed. Today he Is a very successful business owner, great father and husband, and has one of the biggest hearts I have ever saw. There is hope for your son. He isn't a bad person but is making bad decisions( let him know that too). Keep working with him and when he does decide to straighten out please don't hold it against him. My husband thanks his parents for not giving up on him and not labeling him as " the bad kid" his entire life. I honestly do not think he would have been able to succeed if his parents held a grudge. I hope you get some peace in your life , and your son learns to love himself. He's really hurting on the inside too or he wouldn't be acting out like this and I really feel for the both of you

Ray - posted on 05/27/2013




Thanks for the kind words Michelle. I have to tell you that I speak with my friends and ask if they have the same problems with their kids, and they don't which tells me I just got a bad apple. I'm going to look into boot camp (:

[deleted account]

Sorry for your problems. But it seems he is not getting any better and isn't listening to a word you say. Maybe you should check into boot camp in your area.
I have been told that has straightened out many children.

As for being a bad parent. That I think cannot be true for the simple reason , you are trying to help your son and trying to stop him from doing things the best you can. If you have someone that is criticizing you, they need better things to do.

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