My son is 18 yrs. old,

Belinda - posted on 11/02/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




he finished school, he is basically a good person inside. it was suggested he began to look for a job and start his responsible life. The hormones , the lack of his father in his life, the emotions of loneliness and ability to tell the truth, can't reach out for help, and won't listen to positive direction. He has a loving home and all he needs when it comes to food, clothes, and some things that most teens his age don't have, like a room of his own with his own bathroom. has a loving mother who tries really hard to help him and feels so helpless. He is lying, sneaking what he calls a girlfriend in the house and told many times not to bring her in the house, and did it again last night. Needless to say I threw her out and asked her if she was retarded or doesn't understand. he is disobidient in this area and was told this was not an acceptable behavior as it is disrespectful to all who still live in the house. What to do is the question?


Jodi - posted on 11/02/2015




Maybe you need to stop providing all he needs? I'm not suggesting you kick him out of home, but draw up an agreement/contract. If he has finished school and should be looking for a job, it is time to have a rental agreement which includes respect of your household rules. He needs to start paying for rent and utilities. He needs to start contributing to the family meals. He needs to start purchasing his own clothes. He needs to provide his own transport. Most of all, he needs to pull his weight. If you have an agreement, and he breaks it, time to arrange for an eviction notice.

Sit down with him and be explicit. Put it in writing as a contract, and both of you sign it.

I have an 18 year old who is just finishing school in the next few weeks. He doesn't want to go on to tertiary education at this point - he decided he wants some time away from study. He wants to get a job and save some money. He has a car and has to pay to keep that running. He already has to pay for his own clothes, entertainment and phone credit. He has a part-time job. In a few weeks, he will start looking for a full time job. I have made it clear to him that effective from 1st January, he will be expected to start paying $125 a week in board (this will cover utilities) and he will be expected to take responsibility for the family meal once a week. He will also have his chores increased as a fully functioning adult in the home.

However, he DOES also have rules. His girlfriend does not stay over. He lets me know when he won't be home for dinner. He lets me know around what time he will be home. He lets me know if he stays elsewhere overnight. All basic respect, really.

Stop catering to your child and allow him to grow up, even if it means a bit of tough love.

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