My son says he doesn't want to make friends

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

My son is 4 years old and had his first day of pre-school yesterday. He's been in day care, but that was with my sister in law, at her house. There are plenty of other kids there, but he's been with the same kids since he was a baby. Now that he's in pre-school, I really want him to make new friends. He says he played with the other kids, but when I asked him what their names are, he didn't know. So I asked him if he talked to them and he said no. When I asked him why he said he didn't want to. I explained to him that talking to the other kids is how he will make friends, to which he replied "I don't want to make friends. You're my friend." It's sweet that he thinks I'm his friend, but I really want him to make friends his with the kids at school. I also realize that through the course of going, he will naturally become friends with some of the kids, but is there anything I can do to help him? How should I address him not wanting friends?



Juniper - posted on 09/09/2011




Agreed with above and I would just set up a play date with another parent and child there so they can play 1 on 1 and that could help intergrate him into the group.
It could be that he just doesn't quite grasp what making new friends means like you look at it from an adult point of view.
My daughter is really out going and loves meeting kids. Yesterday was her 1st day to the school (starting K) just to meet the teacher. She said hi to a couple kids that I prompted the hellos and who's class are you in etc.. but she acted very shy around the school. I have no worries that after a few days she will have no problem talking to everyone.
A possible situation (but unlikely) someone could have intentionally or unitentionally hurt his feelings or took a toy he wanted and he is just pulling back a bit. BUT I would look at that as a last resort and not even ask him about it, unless it continues into the year.
Good Luck


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Amy - posted on 09/09/2011




My son started preschool without having been in daycare. Our first parent teacher conference consisted of the teacher sharing a story about one of the first days of school they were outside and he stood next to the teachers, so his teacher said Noah why don't you go play with your friends and he responded no thank you I'll just stay here in the shade with you. My husband and I sent him to school for socialization and interaction with kids his own age, we knew that's what he needed. By the end of the school year he had come out of his shell and played with everyone just give him time, his teacher will help get him interacting with the other kids.
My son started kindergarten this year and it's a much bugger classroom so he told me he doesn't have any friends yet because he has to memorize everyones name first. I sat give him time he'll get there!

Katherine - posted on 09/09/2011




If he's playing with the other kids I wouldn't worry. He just started right? Give it some time. I'm sure he'll warm up.

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