My son was bullied at one school and now he's experencing the same feelings. he just sits in class and does nothing all day. He's failing 4 of the 5 classes that he's taking. Any advice


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/22/2013





Is he being bullied at the new school, or is he just withdrawing into himself without attempting anything?

If he's just withdrawing, he needs to understand that it's not going to stop the bullying, if it is occurring. He needs to be given tools to defend himself and stand up for himself. And simply not doing coursework will not get him moved to another school. You need to be firm on that. It could be that he thinks that you'll just up and move him when his situation gets bad, so he's going to make sure that it's bad so that he can move.

That is not ever going to help him. Start him in counseling. And yourself as well, in order to give him tools to succeed, rather than thinking that you can and always will step in to defend him. I was bullied. My parents gave me the tools (self confidence and assurance) to succeed in life. They taught me that no matter what any stupid little twit said to me, I was better than that. And they reinforced that thought/image constantly. And it worked.

My son was bullied. Now, mind you, this kid is 6'5", and 250 lbs, but he was bullied. I gave him the tools (again, self confidence, and the knowledge that I would side with him in any question) to handle the situation on the day that I found out. Broke my heart, actually, because he put up with it for months before telling his counselor at school, and the counselor told me. That day, I told him to stand up for himself. That he was leaps and bounds ahead of the little twit that thought it fun to pick on "gentle Ben" because he wouldn't fight back. Told him to handle the situation in any way he saw fit, and that I'd back his decision. That afternoon, I got a call from the principal...laughing because my boy had put the other kid in his place. Without a huge confrontation, but it was successful.

Granted, he was successful because he finally showed that he was physically stronger than the kid, but did NOT lay a hand on the boy to demonstrate that attribute.

Unfortunately, your son will continue to be a target until you start getting him the tools he needs to succeed. Counseling will help. Praise, support, and love will help. But he HAS to do it himself. You cannot fight his battles for him. You cannot continue to allow him to run away if it gets bad. Because the brutal reality is that, if you start to run away every time it gets bad, you're always running after awhile.

Empower your son! Get behind him in counseling, but stand your ground, and make this school work out for him.

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