My soon to be 5 year old will not listen to us at all!

Lauren - posted on 03/03/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




So my beautiful daughter will be turning 5 in the next week and here lately we have been having horrible disciplinary problems with her. She is purposely defiant and it seems that no matter what techniques we use with her nothing works! My husband (her step father) and I recently got married back in November. She loves her step father as if he was her biological dad. She sees her biological dad still but not very often. We are trying to figure out if it something we are doing as parents but everyone we talk to tells us we are doing the right things with her. She will look us straight in the face and tell us "no" when we tell her to do something & we will either put her in timeout or make her stand in the corner. We have also gotten to the point where we will send her to her room and not allow to play with any of her toys. I am not big on spanking but I feel like this is the onyl option I have left. Anyone have any similar issues or have had similiar issues in the past & have any advice on what we can do to correct it? Also, she is great in school and never gets in trouble so we are baffled!


Myia - posted on 03/03/2014




Is this something new since the marriage? If so she is testing the waters so to speak. Try doing more things with your new husband and your daughter involved. Have your husband do things with her like play a game one on one just him and her. You also need to be consistant with kids in dicipline and bed times and things like that. Putting kids in their rooms now days is like putting kids in a toy store. Put her in time out someplace boring and nothing there for her to look at or play with. You can try taking away her "favorite" toys. If you take away things she likes to play with or do or places she likes to go it will make an impact. I am on my second round of kids. I raised 2 now I am raising 3 of my grandchildren. They have always had rules and constant bed times and we have not had any problems. I have had them since newborn, 2 and 4. The 4 year old started out to be a hard to deal with but we found out he is ADHD. He is fine now because we insisted on being constant in everything we do.
Try working on the aspect it could be the "new Marriage" if it is that in time it will work out. If it is something else work on the things she likes and wants to do. She will get tired of you taking things she wants or wants to do and will eventually figure out being good is better than acting out. Good luck!

Ev - posted on 03/03/2014




Have you ever thought that the new marriage and changes from that might be making her act out? Her world has changed. Its a new family unit. She is either trying her boundaries or seeking attention too. She is also at an age though she can voice how she feels, yet she does not have all those words to use either. If this is not the case, in the past how have you given consequences to her actions that are deemed unacceptable? Or has she gotten away with things to this point? Also, she is not going to want to take orders from her step father because in her mind "he is not daddy". Kids all think this. Even older ones doe when a new spouse comes into the home. You can not expect this family to blend perfectly overnight. You just got married back in November and you are going to have to work at it to make it work. Maybe you need to get dad into this and see if he is experiencing anything when she is with him that is like her behavior now. Oh, timeouts at this age are not really going to work anymore nor is placing her in a corner. What is going to work more or less at this age is taking all toys out of her room and letting her sit in there with nothing to do and make her to earn it all back a bit at a time. You need to nip it now or she will be walking all over you.


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Lauren - posted on 03/03/2014




Yeah I have definitely considered the new marriage could be a reason for her acting out. I have tried to make an effort to be sure to give her just as much attention as she was receiving before if not more. The sending her to her room and taking her toys away seems like a really good idea. I will definitely start trying that. See when she was younger we also lived with my mom for about 2 years, my mom was wonderful but definitely spoiled her way more than I would have liked. She still picks her up from school and keeps her until I get off work which we think could possible be contributing to her defiance. Where she has certain rules at our house she knows at "gigi's" house she doesn't have to follow them. I feel like it could be confusing her some.

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