My step-daughter is inexcusably lazy and her father is aiding it!

User - posted on 03/18/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




So my husband his ex had there baby girl at 15 and they signed guardianship to the baby's mom for guardianship since neither was in the right mind to care for the child. Now the child's grandma has lost control of her several addictions and "temporarily" gave the child to my husband, the child's father. There is no paper trail of this though. The grandma raised this child to be with out respect for adults, she never had to do anything because grandma did it, she is mouthy and plays people to get what she wants. the child mother has not been in her life until a year ago. I told my husbadn i would stay out of raising her but i do have standards to what i will tolerate in our home. The only rules i made to the child are keep your clothes n items put away in the proper place, do your homework, make good grades, inform us 3-4 days prior to making plans, no attitude or mouth and keep our household actions out of your mouth when you visit your mom or grandmas. Well she wont tell us or even ask us if she can go somewhere she just tells us she made these plans the day of and since neither mom or grandma own a car neither can assist with the visits so hubby takes her despite if i had plans or not. she made a mess of her room n it remained that way for a week n he told her he would help her clean it. She tells me all the time how much of a bitch i am because i keep after about the rules she always breaks but her father is always at her side either aiding her or defending her or claiming he don't hear her. She calls n tells her mom n grandma every disagreement we have (both of those two she tells wants my husband and i separated) she refuses to do her homework till last minute n my husband volunteers me to help with it because her areas of homework i understand extremely well! I tell my husband i would like a weekend with the child too n he agrees and just does the opposite. IT is a matter of what the child wants and the other day I asked him why he gives in so much and he says" i don't want to hear her winning and moodiness or there (meaning mom n grandma) moodiness because they didn't get what they want" If he by chance hears step daughter say something rude instead of correcting her, he tells me "get back at her. Say something mean back" I feel like my marriage is falling apart and I have no energy to spend on m own two children who are only one and two.


Jodi - posted on 03/18/2014




You are really asking a 15 year old to inform you of their plans 3-4 days prior? You don't have a teenager do you?

Her room is her room. Let her live in it. If it's messy shut the door.

It seems to me you aren't picking your battles. When you have a teen, you really need to pick your battles, and you have given her a whole lot of rules that she is unlikely to be able to keep. Remember this is a child who is quite damaged. Her life has been a shambles. Your husband does need to step up a little, but you also need to back off a little. I'm seeing problems with the way both of you are managing the situation.

Let's face it, if she chooses to leave her homework until the last minute, the consequences are hers, right? How does this affect you? I'm just suggesting that sometimes you need to let nature take its course. Yes, sure, her grades will be bad.....again, how does this affect you?

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