My teenager daughter (14) doesn't like my boyfriend.

Crystal - posted on 05/06/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years recently broke up with me. The reason he broke things off is because of the lack of the relationship between my daughter and he. He couldn't take it anymore. She would be rude and disrespectful towards him. It's now be 10 weeks, and we have reconnected and we are now talking about reconciling. In a snapshot our history: my daughter suffers from Asperger syndrome and is bi-polar. I have never had a serious relationship before him, and her father has been out of the picture since she was 2 years old.
He is a really great guy, he always would include her in our outings (dinner, miniature golf, movies, etc..., buy her birthday gifts, he even went to family group therapy with us.
I love him, but I don't know if I should just let him go.
Any advice is helpful.


Angela - posted on 05/07/2013




Step children of all ages are capable of taking an irrational dislike to their parent's partner.

Given that she has Aspergers and is bi-polar she may have more "issues" than the average 14 year old. And since you have not been in a serious relationship before in her life, she will imagine that being in a relationship right now isn't necessary for you either.

Why don't you ask her, one-to-one exactly what her problem is with him. Have some possible answers ready as well (which will pretty much all theme around the same thing) ....

e.g. Why don't you like Steve honey? Is it because:

a) he takes up my time and attention?
b) you feel you get ignored?
c) he doesn't take you seriously?
d) when he's around you don't feel I take you seriously?
e) you don't wish to share me with someone else?
f) you don't wish to share our home with anyone else?

I'm betting that it's one of the above - possibly ALL of the above. Do not make suggestions for other reasons which aren't true (e.g. he hits you, he mocks you, he disrespects you etc ....) because she might just cling to those knowing they're more serious.

Also, he left you for a while. Was her life happier during this time? Did she not see YOUR life was not happier?

I know the importance of putting your children first but kids should NEVER be able to stage manage their parents' lives to THEIR satisfaction. YOU have rights.

Good luck.


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Crystal - posted on 05/07/2013




Thank you Angela. The information you provided is very helpful. I've never asked her leading questions, and I plan on doing it this evening.

Usually I just ask her why don't you like "R", and her response is...I just don't like him. I ask her if she can be more detailed, but it's always the same answer.

Thanks again!

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