My teenager hanging out with an adult?

Rita - posted on 02/06/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )




My 14 year old teenage daughter is constantly hanging out with a 19 year old college girl and considers her as a "best friend". They've known each other for around two years and I've never really experienced an issue with them hanging out - I supervise them when they hang out at our household and my child is mature enough to know not to go anywhere without my permission and to never accept drugs and alcohol. I'm concerned that my kid may be exposed to adult content or things that may not be suitable for teenagers - 19 is the legal age to be an adult where we live. Should I really talk to my 8th grade daughter about this?


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Rita - posted on 02/07/2016




My daughter doesn't have an older sibling or relative at that age, and I've spoken to her about it. She told me that the girls at her grade cause too much drama and are always talking behind each other's backs and making secret social media accounts if their parents don't allow them to have social media (I don't have an issue with my 14 YO using Facebook and Instagram, I check whom she's friending on them and she knows her limits and isn't allowed to friend people she doesn't know personally).
I understand that she may not like the fact that the other kids are making fake accounts and getting into fights, and the 19 year old may be more understanding and mature than kids her own age.

Jodi - posted on 02/06/2016




I think it depends on the people involved. My daughter is almost 11 and frequently hangs out with her 18 year old brother and his friends, and I don't have an issue with it.

In your situation, I think my biggest concern would be the fact that this 18 year old is her "best friend" and she doesn't have friends her own age.

Dove - posted on 02/06/2016




Should you talk to her? Yes, absolutely.... Always talk to your kids and prepare them for the things in this world that they may encounter.

As to whether or not it is appropriate... I think it REALLY depends on the individuals involved. My daughters are 14 and they hang out w/ kids as young as 10 and adults in their late teens/early 20's. MOST of the people they hang out w/ are 12-16... but they are surfers and encounter many ages at the beach. Plus their best friend (also 14) has 4 older siblings and 2 of them are still living at home (and are in their 20's). They are well informed in matters of sex, drugs, and alcohol and I know the people they choose to associate w/ are highly unlikely to be engaging in these behaviors.. especially in their presence. I also know that they know (but are not close to) kids their age and younger that DO engage in these behaviors.

Some young adult to teen relationships are not OK and should be forbidden (or at least discouraged), but some are safe and even have the potential to be good for all involved.

Basically... know your kids and know who they are with and go from there in making your determination. Not just judging a situation solely based on the ages involved.

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