Need advice about future step-daughter!!

Savanna - posted on 09/10/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




My fiance and I have been together for 4 1/2 years now and living together for 4. I have three children from a previous marriage and he has children from different women, one of which he sees. His daughter is almost 6, so I have been a part of her life since she was a little over a year old. I fell in love with her the day I met her and have always treated her like my own. She hangs on me and loves spending time with me. However, about a year ago her mother turned us in to CPS and said that my 9 year old son had left bruises on my fiance's daughter. We get her every other weekend and what happened was that on a Tuesday morning her mom text my fiance a picture of two small bruises on their daughter's leg. The text said "I just noticed these while (child) was getting dressed, they weren't there yesterday when she took a bath. She told me that (my child) squeezed her leg." To which we replied " I don't remember her saying anything while she was here. And she would've had them yesterday since you picked her up Sunday..." We heard nothing back until CPS questioned my children at school without my knowledge. It was embarrassing and hard for them to understand that they did nothing wrong. Even the officer who questioned all three of my children noted in the report that all three were questioned separately and still maintained consistent answers. They found no truth to the allegations. Since then we tried to move past it and grow as a family, however his ex is constantly making calls or threats to call CPS for the simplest things. She said their daughter had a panic attack and didn't want to come to our home because she is not allowed to jump on the trampoline with the big kids and also that my son shot her with a BB gun. My son doesn't even own a BB gun and we tried to explain this to his ex but CPS is yet investigating AGAIN. They have not once found any reason to be suspicious of our home and I constantly have children over playing with mine and no other child has ever complained about being here. It is extremely hard because I go out of my way to make his daughter feel like she is as important as my children and we are truly fair with all of them, but when she is fine and happy here and enjoying her new bike I bought her and then goes home to her mom and tells her mom that we don't feed her and we are all mean to her, it makes me resent her and a small part of me wants to never do anything for her again. I am not that type of person, I love all children and it hurts that this situation has turned me into some bitter person full of resentment towards a 6 year old. What makes it worse is that my fiance doesn't stand his ground because he is afraid that she won't want to come here but really I think he just doesn't want to deal with the problem. She does things as well like pees her pants and then hides her underwear and lies about it. And she has never gotten in trouble for having an accident but it got to the point where she was peeing them all the time and not even trying to make it to the bathroom, so instead of discipline, her mom took her to the DR and said that she has a hard time holding her urine and they found nothing wrong. Honestly she just knows that she will get a way with it so she says she can't help it. Or she paints on the wall with finger nail polish and my fiance never says a word about it. If that were my child, they would have a consequence from both of us. I am at my last straw with this, I can't make my kids go through the embarrassment of having a cop and CPS at the school every other week. It's borderline harassment. And once my fiance's ex realized that CPS isn't going to investigate for a child not getting their way, the lies have escalated to my son shooting her with a gun! I don't know what else to do but to pack up my kids and leave, I feel like I have tried everything else, even talking to his daughter and her mom civilly and it goes nowhere because every time his daughter doesn't like something she knows that she can tell her mom and she will get a reaction. I don't know if I should just get out of this situation or stay and fight for my relationship.


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Dove - posted on 09/10/2016




Oh that poor conflicted little girl.

I agree w/ Michelle that it is probably time to consult a lawyer. If she has called CPS repeatedly and all of her claims have been unfounded there should be some sort of legal action to take that can get her to knock it off or get in serious legal trouble. I would also advise trying to get the girl into some counseling because it has got to be very hard on her being manipulated and undisciplined. She absolutely does not consequences for things like painting on the wall, but it would probably be best if her father works w/ her and a counselor to build up the emotional support the child needs during this whole process.

Michelle - posted on 09/10/2016




If it was me, I would talk to a lawyer about a defamation case.
CPS aren't finding anything with all her reports and she obviously has a drama with you. It may even just take a letter from a lawyer to tell her stop with the harassment or it will be taken further.

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